House of Broken Hearts
by elainanna
Summary: Shuichi is saved from his stalker, but his romance with Yuki continues. Shuichi finds out about Yuki's past and the battle to fight for his love begins. Shuichi is caught between letting Yuki go and holding on to him for both their sakes.
1. Chapter 1

_**House of Broken Hearts**_

**Disclaimer: - I don't own Gravitation. Maki Murakami does.**

**Chapter One**

_My fingers ache to touch, untested and uncultured, they hold much promise. My heart solemnly vows.  
A thrill with one single caress, Forgive my spirit it dares overshadow your melody.  
But fear not, for your melody harmonizes my spirit and the pleasure is so intense that there's nothing...but love.  
_

Shuichi closed his eyes as the words flowed out of his heart, the beats filling his body where the deep holes were begging to be filled. He sang with all he had, crooning the words from his soul hoping someone would hear them and come to help him. He couldn't live like this anymore, his heart was breaking into a million pieces and it felt like there was nothing that he could do to save it.

Opening his eyes, he stared at the audience in the small theatre room and his thoughts revisited his life in the past two years.

It all began with smiles, his heart full of love and happiness since the day Yuki had whispered the most precious words to him. _'I'm in love with you.' _The memory was etched in his mind forever, a precious jewel he protected with every breath. They had moved into their new penthouse soon after he left the hospital, and life resumed. It was hard getting past the stalker issues. Nightmares, bodyguards, and paranoia were things he'd needed to learn to live with thanks to Yuki's help. Now, they were just another part of this life he'd chosen.

Yuki, however, seemed to have turned into a stranger. He hadn't noticed it at first. The tours had kept him from noting the changes. Leaving for two almost four weeks at a time, coming back and spending time in the studio until late, he'd come home to find Yuki enclosed in the study room typing at his manuscripts. The few hours he was with Yuki would be full of love making and smiles, and then he'd have to leave again. Lost in a cloud of bliss, Shuichi mused, he hadn't seen it coming. Love could be so blinding, he thought.

On a rainy night eight months ago, they'd had the biggest fight ever. He couldn't even remember what it had been about, what he couldn't forget was the slap across his face and the order to leave. Yuki had kicked him out of their house without batting a single eyelash. The look in those golden eyes, Shuichi shuddered, his heart clenching at this awful memory that he couldn't seem to carve out of his head, had chilled him to the bone. It hurt just remembering the pain of that night. The first time Yuki looked at him with hatred instead of love. Things seemed to escalate from there, each fight got more hateful than the next. Now, whenever Yuki got angry, he'd decided it was best if he checked into a hotel until the tide was over. His heart was starting to resemble a delicate piece of china, one scratch and it would shatter. He was starting to prefer staying at the hotel more than that house.

He couldn't remember the last time they'd had a reasonable conversation. Yuki hadn't touched him in a while, and that was even more painful than the fighting. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. How could he fix something he didn't understand? What had he done to make Yuki act this way?

Finishing the song he'd written from words Yuki had read to him softly once, he kept his head bent as he tried to control the tears threatening to slick down his cheeks. He hadn't told Hiro anything, mostly because Hiro was happy now.

His best friend was dating now. The young woman who'd been Yuki's fiancé had come to visit them in Tokyo, and after a long talk with Yuki and Shuichi, she'd agreed to stay over for a few days. She'd met Hiro and they had hit it off right away, and were seeing each other seriously. Shuichi was starting to hear rumors about engagements. He couldn't really spoil such happiness with the sad stories of his life.

Suguru was finishing college in a month and was turning into quite the ladies men. They'd never really been close, and Shuichi didn't feel comfortable telling Suguru the gory details of his private life. The only person he had left was Ryuichi, but his idol had been gone for a year now. He was working in Canada on a prolonged movie shoot that had required he live there. They called each other often, but their conversations were always so filled with other topics, Shuichi didn't know how to broach the subject of his unhappiness. What would he say, 'hey, remember that guy you told me would break my heart? Guess what he did it.' He didn't have the courage to say it. He didn't want to admit it at all because, regardless of their current situation, the years together had only made his feelings for Yuki deeper. It was like an addiction now. He couldn't break away from it. He needed Yuki, like he needed to breathe.

Taking in a deep breath, Shuichi glanced up at the audience and bowed in thanks for their support. He'd long stopped trying to paste a smile on for the audience. Bad Luck's fame had doubled, and his mere presence was sufficient to garner the excitement needed for their performances. Waving at the crowd, he replaced the microphone and walked off stage quickly. Rushing to his dressing room, he closed the door tightly and took in deep breaths trying to control his emotions. He was just beginning to get a hold of his calm when his cell phone buzzed.

Grabbing it from the vanity table, Shuichi glanced at the caller ID and frowned when he saw Mika's number. Tohma's wife never called him without a reason. She preferred to call him when she needed Yuki to do something that included the family. She seemed to have adopted him treating him as part of her family. Yuki found it irritating when they ganged up on him when it came to his health and his relationship with his family and father. But, Shuichi was glad that Mika had accepted his role in Yuki's life so fully. Answering his phone, he stood staring at his red eyes in the mirrors over the vanity table. He was going to need to fix his face before he left the room.

"Shuichi," Mika said with a solemn tone. "Is the concert over?"

"Yeah," Shuichi said quietly. There was something off about her tone. "What's up?"

"I need you to come to the hospital. Have K drive you, Eiri's in a bit of trouble."

"Yuki," Shuichi gasped. His heart squeezing tightly, he thought it would stop entirely. Gripping the edge of the vanity table, Shuichi let out a small breath to calm down. _Yuki_ _was hurt_. "Was it an accident?"

"Just come to the hospital, Shuichi, and don't drive," Mika ordered. She hung up and Shuichi stood staring at the phone for a moment. Why was this happening to them right now?

The door opened abruptly and K was standing there with wide eyes. Mika must have called him too. "Shu-chan, come on."

He came into the room and wrapped an arm around Shuichi's shoulders. Grabbing a jacket that was on a couch, K led the way out.

* * *

At the hospital, Shuichi was shown to the private wing Tohma always reserved for his high profile clients. Yuki was considered the highest priority, so it wasn't surprising that he was in a secure private ward. Shuichi couldn't stop shaking as he stood in the hall waiting for the nurse to locate Mika. Why was Yuki here? Did he drink and drive too fast again? An accident on the road would mean wild press releases, he hadn't heard any yet.

"Shu-chan," K said.

Shuichi glanced at him and he nodded down the corridor. Mika was standing there beckoning them forward. He took the steps on heavy feet. By the time he was standing beside Mika's elegant frame, he was ready to pass out. She smiled encouragingly at him, before she herded him into the private room. Yuki was lying on the hospital bed with IV lines running into his left arm. His eyes were closed indicating that he was sleeping. There was nothing to indicate an accident. No wounds or bandages, frowning, Shuichi turned to Mika.

"What's wrong with Yuki?" he asked. It must have been strange to her that he didn't run to Yuki's side immediately. The truth was he was a bit wary of doing that these days. Ever since the slap, he tried to measure his urges according to Yuki's mood. He hoped that Mika would assume he was in shock.

"He has acute ulcers," Mika said quietly. "I found him passed out in the living room at your house. Was he alright this morning?"

Shuichi's eyes glazed with tears. He didn't know. He didn't know because last night they had fought bitterly and Shuichi had left to go stay over at his hotel room. This morning he'd woken up early and headed for work without a single thought of going home. He'd been so angry at Yuki. Pressing a hand to his eyes, he tried to keep the tears from falling.

"I left early," Shuichi lied quietly. He moved closer to the bed and stared at the beautiful blonde haired man lying so still on the hospital bed. He knew the texture of that hair, how soft it was against his cheek when Yuki hugged him. "He seemed fine when I saw him."

"Shuichi," Mika said gently. "Is Yuki stressed? Why does he have ulcers? The only other time this has happened was when he came back from New York. Are you guys okay?"

Shuichi closed his eyes at that question. His fingers hovering over Yuki's, he couldn't touch him just incase he woke up and glared at him with those golden eyes. That glare was becoming something to fear. He couldn't find the warm Yuki he'd seen there before. Clenching his fingers tightly, Shuichi took a step back from the bed. Ulcers were caused by stress, he knew that much. If Yuki was sick because of stress, then the only explanation was that he was making him sick. Their relationship was killing Yuki.

He gasped and pressed a hand to his mouth trying to stop the sobs that were forcing their way out. He couldn't breath. Turning away from Mika, he rushed for the door. He couldn't be here anymore. He really couldn't. Yuki was sick because of him, and he hadn't known. Was this what they were reduced to?

He kept running and didn't stop until he was outside in the cool spring weather. He ran across the green lawn and finally stopped at a bench set by a small artificial lake. Falling on to it, he sat there trembling, his head buried in his hands as he cried tears of sorrow for the happy ever after that was turning out to be a complete nightmare. Where had they gone wrong?

* * *

Yuki woke up to find his sister peering at him from a chair she'd pulled close to his hospital bed. Her eyes were unblinking as she pinned him with that familiar golden gaze. He was in for a tirade, he supposed, he'd been ignoring her calls lately. Also, the fact that he was in a hospital bed was probably going to earn him an hour extra on that tirade. Settling his head onto the pillows, he waited patiently.

"I'm not going to yell at you," Mika said quietly, her tone curious.

Usually by now she would be losing her mind over his being in a hospital bed. What could make her look so calm? Frowning, he turned his head to study her carefully.

"You have more serious issues to deal with," Mika continued. "Shu-chan was just here, he seems very upset. What's happening between the two of you?"

"None of your business," Yuki replied. He'd forgotten about his lover momentarily. They'd fought last night and Shuichi had left with tears running down his cheeks. He'd probably run to Ryuichi's apartment, a thought that pushed him closer to the edge of a cliff he was trying to escape. "What time is it?"

"Almost six o'clock in the evening. They sedated you," Mika provided. "Don't worry, he hasn't returned since he ran out of here. Eiri, have you told him about your past?"

"No," Yuki replied with a small shake of his head. He'd thought about it, but the love Shuichi gave him so easily was hard to give up. "It's not an issue."

"It is," Mika countered. "He's blaming himself for you being in here, I saw it today. Its obvious things are not going too well between you two, why haven't you tried to fix it?"

Yuki closed his eyes as he tried to remember why he'd been yelling at Shuichi last night. It had been something to do with dinner; Shuichi had missed it again because of his late hours at the studio. They couldn't seem to have a single conversation lately without shouting at each other. Shuichi was tiptoeing around him and seeing it, was irritating the hell out of him. Opening his eyes, he turned to look at Mika.

"We're better off apart," Yuki announced quietly. "The longer we stay together, the worse things are going to be for him. I can't be responsible for that. At some point, Shuichi is going to get tired of living like this, and he will leave."

"How is that better," Mika asked with a sigh. "You've changed, these past two years, you may not see it, but I do. You smile more, you show up for family gatherings, your writing is happier, and you tolerate other people more than you used to. Shuichi is the reason for those changes. There is no way I'm watching you return to the sorry man you were before you met him."

"Don't interfere in this," Yuki said with a hard tone. "I mean it Mika. Leave it alone."

"I won't," Mika said sharply. Standing up, she touched his forehead out of habit. Having children of her own had turned her maternal. She now had two, a girl and a boy. Tohma was over the moon from it. Mika had turned into a fabulous mother. She managed to mother the children as well as everyone else in her family. She seemed to make a mental note as she picked up her bag; he assumed she would be talking to the nurses as she left. "Since you're not going to do anything about this, I will."

Yuki watched her leave with fast strides and let out a groan as the door closed. Alone, he pulled himself higher on the bed, and turned his head to stare out the window into the darkening day. The truth was that a little part of him hoped that Mika would go through with her threat. He hated being the person he was with Shuichi. How could he love a person so much and still see the worst things in his life in him at the same time? It didn't make sense. He was starting to feel like he was going mad with every waking moment. He loved Shuichi, he hated Shuichi; Yuki shook his head.

No, he loved Shuichi, it was what he represented that he hated. Closing his eyes, he let out a shaky breath. The only solution to their current problem was if one of them walked away. He didn't have the strength, when he wasn't losing his mind over his past; Shuichi remained the best part of him. He worried about him constantly, which was the main reason why he was in this hospital. What could he do? Shuichi was going to have to do all the work, after all Yuki thought sullenly. He just didn't have the courage to end this farce of a relationship.

* * *

Shuichi stared at the glass the bartender had put before him marveling at the extremes he was taking to fix his frustration. He hated getting drunk but it was the only way he could sleep these days. Otherwise, he spent so much time thinking about his current situation, he was starting to worry for his sanity. Yuki was in hospital because of him. That thought alone drove him to take the glass and toss the burning liquid down his throat. Closing his eyes as it went down, he winced as he placed the glass down again.

"Drinking is not good for your voice," Mika said next to him.

Her presence would have startled him at another time. Right now though, he didn't give it a thought because he was used to the Seguchi way of things. They had such a knack with things, situations and people. How Mika had known where he was staying was a mystery he'd leave for another day.

"How's Yuki?" he asked out of habit. It was as if his mind couldn't leave it alone. He couldn't stop caring about the man even when things got so difficult.

"Eiri is fine," Mika answered, sliding onto a stool beside him. "The doctor will release him tomorrow afternoon. Before that, I think we should talk."

"About what," Shuichi asked, playing with his empty glass.

"About why you and Eiri are having such a bad time," Mika said. When his gaze slid to hers, she smiled and patted his shoulder. "You can't hide much from me, Shu-chan. Your reaction to Yuki's illness was clue enough."

Shuichi looked away and hoped that she wasn't going to start another tirade of how he was good for Yuki. He was starting to miss the Mika who'd wanted him out of Yuki's life. That way, he could just blame it on her when he walked away. Now, he had no excuse, and his heart wouldn't allow blasphemous thoughts like leaving Yuki.

"Yuki has a secret," Mika said quietly. "He hasn't told you because he doesn't like talking about it. But, things have come to this, so, I'm going to tell you the secret. I ask for only one thing."

Shuichi frowned and turned on his seat to stare at her. "What is that?"

"Don't leave him," Mika said. "Hear me out, and choose to stay by his side, even though he keeps pushing you away."

Shuichi wondered what was worse. The curiosity Mika was rousing in him, or the pain in his heart at the thought that Yuki was really trying to push him away. Did Yuki really want to see him gone this much? He should have just said it, Shuichi wondered bitterly. Saying it out loud would be better than fighting each other over stupid things like coming home late. Shuichi took in a deep breath and signaled the bartender who poured him another shot of whisky.

What secret was this that would make Yuki act like such a mad man anyway? Staring at his drink, Shuichi cleared his throat and said to Mika.

"I'll listen."

* * *

_Welcome to the second part of Whirlwind in My Life. I've tried to write it so that it can stand on its own, hope it's not confusing for all those who haven't read the first story. Anyway, tell me what you think, I'm looking forward to hearing from you._

_Cheers,_

_Elly_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own gravitation, but its fun to use its characters for myself.**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Shuichi buried his head deeper into the pillows of his hotel room bed and tried to block the thoughts in his head. They were persistent thoughts that had deprived him of sleep for two nights now. He'd tried everything to undo them. Drinking had left him dozing and the dreams that came from that were scarier than the actual reality. He'd tried working out until he was exhausted. Being tired led to sleep and the dream monster. He was now reduced to sitting around his hotel room watching television, while music blared in the room.

K was being friendly and hadn't come to drag him out of his den. Shuichi figured Mika had probably asked him not to. He'd been a mess after their evening in the downstairs bar. Shying away from the reasons that had made him that way, he wondered if Yuki was doing well at home. He'd not gone to the hospital for Yuki. He couldn't. He was physically incapable of being around his lover right now, it terrified him.

Punching the pillows again, he sat up on the bed and looked around the dim room. Damn it, what the hell did his head need to quit thinking about Yuki. Getting of the bed, he reached for his cell phone and speed dialed his driver. Ever since he'd gotten a stalker, and almost been kidnapped, a driver was part of his security. Rico, his driver, was a silent burly man who he'd come to trust. Rico didn't judge him and always had his back in all kinds of situations. Lately, he'd become a confidant.

"I'll be down in a minute," Shuichi said when Rico answered.

"Alright," Rico answered.

Shuichi hang up and stood up, ignoring the shower he pulled a jacket over his black v-neck t-shirt. He wore black hip hugging pants he'd pulled on around three o'clock in the morning and white socks, grabbing up dark glasses; he shoved them on to his face hiding the bloodshot eyes. At the door, he slipped into black boots and stomped out of the pent house. Thankfully no one joined him on the elevator ride down; he couldn't cope with people right now. His head was throbbing with the effort to function as it was. He didn't think he could handle to be in anyone's presence. The doors opened and Shuichi strolled into the hotel lobby his hands in his pocket. Walking sedately, he headed for the front doors and was glad to see the black car waiting for him. He slid into the back and leaned his head back on his seat. Rico took off without needing instructions.

* * *

"Shuichi is off the grid," Hiro said to Suguru, later in the day. "I've been trying to get a hold of him for hours. He's not picking up my calls. Have you talked to him?"

"No," Suguru said, looking up from his keyboard and the music notes he was writing. "Come to think of it, he hasn't been acting himself lately. Do you think something is wrong?"

"I don't know," Hiro said with a frown. Ever since he'd started dating Ayaka, Yuki's ex-fiancée, Shuichi seemed to have taken a step back. He didn't call as much, and although they hanged up, Shuichi didn't talk about his life with Yuki the way he used to before. There was a time Shuichi would have walked into a room and Hiro would know something was up with him, but these days, he didn't have a clue. Rubbing a hand over his forehead, his frown deepened, this was his fault. He'd let their relationship slide. In his bliss, he'd let go of his best friend which wasn't right. "I need to see him, Suguru. Can you hold down the fort here for a while? I'll visit Yuki and Shuichi."

"That's fine; if you find Shuichi, tell him I finished the composition he wanted."

"Sure," Hiro said walking out of the studio with determined footsteps. His ride to the building that Yuki and Shuichi lived at took fifteen minutes. It was midday and traffic was becoming wild. Pulling into the underground parking lot, he got off his bike and headed for the elevator. On the ride up, he tried to call Shuichi again, but the phone just kept ringing over and over, no one was picking it up. Shrugging, he got off the elevator and walked to their door and knocked. Shuichi had given him a key incase of emergency, but he didn't like using it. So, he knocked again and waited for anyone to answer.

* * *

Yuki was in the kitchen swallowing his midday pills when the knock came on the door. Frowning, he swallowed the last of his water and placed the glass on the counter before he headed out of the kitchen. Where the hell was Shuichi when he needed him? Shuichi dealt better with visitors than he did. Shaking his head, he silently added that the visitor was probably there to see Shuichi anyway.

The knock repeated straining his nerves a bit, making it impossible to hide the frown on his forehead even as he pushed the door open. Hiro was standing there in his leather slacks and jacket, his red hair left to fall down his back, every bit the rock star he was. Yuki shrugged at the red head and returned back to the living room leaving Hiro to let himself in.

"Hey, Yuki," Hiro said cheerfully. "How have you been? It's been a while since I saw you. You haven't made it to our concerts recently."

"I've been busy," Yuki replied sinking into the leather couch and closing his eyes. He was so tired, his energy still hadn't returned from his stay at the hospital. Mika was sure to be coming in the next thirty minutes to force feed him. She was taking her role as nurse maid to the extreme. "If you're looking for Shuichi, he's not here."

"Really," Hiro asked as he walked around the couch to settle into an arm chair. "He's not picking my calls; I thought you two were at it."

"He's not here," Yuki replied curtly, his eyes still closed, his head resting on the back of the couch. "I thought he might be with you actually. He has a habit of running to you when things get hard."

Hiro cleared his throat before he said carefully. "Actually, I don't think he's come over to my house in the past couple of months. I'm starting to feel neglected."

"What?" Yuki asked his eyes opening as he sat up to stare at Shuichi's best friend. He knew exactly how many times he'd gotten Shuichi to run out of this apartment. Each time, he'd taken comfort in the fact that Shuichi would probably run to Ryuichi or Hiro. As per Mika, Ryuichi was out of the country right now, so if he wasn't going to Hiro's where the hell was he running to? "Are you sure?"

"Perfectly sure," Hiro replied with a shake of his head. "Lately, he's been a bit withdrawn. I'm starting to get the vibe that something is bothering him. Do you know what it is?"

Yuki rubbed a hand down his face and tried to decipher the situation. Shuichi was keeping their fights a secret from his best friend. This meant that only K and Mika knew about their current problems, and it really didn't make any sense. Hiro was Shuichi's brother. What was that punk thinking?

"Yuki," Hiro prompted again.

"He's fine," Yuki answered looking away from Hiro. He didn't know what to say. The truth was that he was being a bastard to Hiro's best buddy. As much as he relished engaging in punching match, right now he wasn't up to it. Besides, if the punk wanted to keep it from Hiro, it was none of his business. "Shouldn't you be asking him this?"

"I would if he could be found," Hiro said with a sigh. "Did he say where he was going when he left in the morning?"

Yuki kept his gaze fixed on the coffee table at that question. He really didn't know how to answer it without getting explosive. That punk hadn't been home when he'd returned from hospital two days ago. It had hurt more than the ulcer eating him up inside. It made him bitter, but then, he'd made it happen hadn't he. Where the hell was Shuichi?

"He went to work," Yuki said quietly. "You should try calling K; he might know where he's gone to."

"You're right," Hiro said his gaze moving over Yuki.

Yuki, afraid that Hiro might read too much, stood up and said dismissively. "Call me when you hear something. Shuichi is probably doing one of those stunts he pulls. I'll talk to him when he gets home."

"That's fine," Hiro said getting up as well. Giving Yuki a short bow, he started for the door. "Hey, Rico will know where he is anyway."

"Rico," Yuki asked with a frown. Who the hell was Rico?

"Shuichi's driver," Hiro said turning to look at him with a puzzled look.

Yuki nodded and waved his hand. "Oh yes, of course, I remember him. Tell him dinner will be early, if you get him before me."

"Sure," Hiro said, opening the door he left the apartment.

Yuki stared at the closed door for a few minutes before he could move. His mind running through all kinds of thoughts as to where Shuichi went running to, it had always been Hiro, who was it now? Had he found another lover? No, Yuki shook his head. Hiro would know about it. There was no way it was about another lover. Shuichi wouldn't be able to keep up with such a deception. Yuki groaned and ran a hand through his hair.

Mika was due here in minutes, he would ask her. She would know where Shuichi was running to.

* * *

Hiro wasn't sure what bothered him more, Shuichi's silence or Yuki's behavior. There was something so wrong about the whole situation. Yuki might be indifferent to Shuichi's flamboyant behavior but the man always knew where Shuichi was. Especially after the kidnapping, the man had taken it upon himself to be informed of Shuichi's monthly schedule. Today, however, Hiro thought as he stood staring at his motorcycle, it was apparent that Yuki really had no idea where Shuichi was.

Pulling out his cell phone from his jacket pocket, he dialed Rico. The driver answered on the third ring.

"What's up Hiro-kun," the man said.

"Hey, where's Shu-chan?"

"We just pulled up to their apartment building," Rico answered. "He told me to give him a few minutes; he just wants to pick a few things."

"Really, alright," Hiro answered and hang up. He turned back to the elevator hoping to catch Shuichi on his way up. It took a few seconds to wait for the elevator; he was back up to their apartment in five minutes. He found the door wide open and had to stare at the sight of Shuichi trying his best to put a hole into Yuki's chest.

"What the hell is wrong with you," Shuichi was screaming. "You didn't think I'd want to know something so important. You lied to me Yuki, you lied to me."

"You're so dramatic," Yuki said with a bored tone. He grabbed at Shuichi's arms but Shuichi pushed away and shook his head. "Where the hell have you been staying anyway? Do you have another lover?"

"Is that all you are thinking about right now?" Shuichi demanded pacing the length of the living room. "If I'm sleeping with someone else, you know, that would probably make you happy wouldn't it. That way, you won't have to deal with me anymore. You'll just kick me out of our house."

"May be I should," Yuki said moving away from him to sink into an arm chair. "It would be better for you."

"You dare say something like that to me," Shuichi asked in surprise. "Yuki, seriously, what have I done to deserve this? I wanted to die when I heard you were in hospital. But then, Mika-san goes and tells me this thing you've kept from me for so long."

"It wasn't her place to tell you," Yuki replied to that.

"She obviously is worried for you," Shuichi bit out. "You don't care what I think, but please think about her for a moment. She's out of her mind with worry, and all you want to do is keep things inside. Who are you helping, because it's certainly not yourself?"

Shuichi ran his fingers through his hair again, the motion seeming like he was digging into his head. Tears streaked down his cheeks as he paced. Hiro couldn't believe the sight of him. He looked ravaged. He was caught in an emotional storm that had him shaking like a leaf. Dark circles graced his eyes, and his hair was disheveled. He'd lost some weight, and it didn't help that the clothes he wore clung to him like a second skin, clearly defining that lean body. His fingers shook as he let go of his hair.

Hiro wanted to cry at the sight of his best friend. What the hell was going on? Why were they fighting? And what were they talking about kicking people out of houses?

"My past is my business, Shuichi," Yuki said coldly. Making Shuichi stop in his tracks to stare at his lover, his eyes filled with anger. "But, I want you to know, if you're sleeping with someone else, I'll kill them."

Shuichi gasped and shook a finger at him. "I hate you," he bellowed with such pain, Hiro couldn't help stepping in.

"What the hell is going on here," Hiro demanded. "Shuichi you look like shit. Where the hell have you been?"

"Yes, Shuichi, do tell us," Yuki said, his golden eyes menacing, they never left Shuichi who'd turned to stare at Hiro in surprise. "Where have you been?"

"Hiro," Shuichi said softly. "What-, How are you here?"

"You weren't picking my calls," Hiro said with a frown. Forgetting to remove his shoes, he walked up to Shuichi and pulled him into his arms hugging him tightly. "Where is your phone? And why are you so upset?"

"I'm sorry," Shuichi said clinging to him tightly. "I must have left it at the hotel room. I just left, I couldn't sleep-

"A hotel room," Yuki said getting to his feet. "Who were you with? Tell me Shuichi, or I'm going to seriously thrash you. You were in a hotel room when I was in hospital?"

Shuichi trembled in Hiro's arms at that reaction, but before Hiro could say anything, Shuichi turned back and glared at Yuki. "Now you care where I was? Three days ago, you didn't care what I ate, or how my day was. But when it comes to having a lover, you want to have a say in it? That's real nice Yuki."

"You punk," Yuki said moving closer, ready to attack, but Hiro deftly pushed Shuichi behind him and blocked him. "Get out of my way, Hiro."

"Chill out," Hiro warned. "You had better take a seat and calm down. I need to understand what's going on here. When did you two start fighting like this? Shuichi what's going on?"

"I need to get some things," Shuichi said trying to move around Hiro. When Yuki moved to intercept, he held out his hands. "You had better stay out of my way right now."

"Shu-chan," Hiro demanded, grabbing his arm tightly. "What do you mean?"

"I can't stay here right now," Shuichi said with a sigh. He hurried to the hallway that would lead him to the bedroom he shared with Yuki.

Hiro stared after him and then his gaze returned back to Yuki. The older man was staring after Shuichi with a devastated look. He wasn't sure what was causing the problem, but they obviously still loved each other. How had things gotten this bad?

"Yuki-san," Hiro said quietly. "Why is Shuichi so upset? Is it true you kicked him out?"

"I did," Yuki said turning away and heading back to the armchair. "Your friend can be so noisy, I couldn't stand it anymore."

"Why are you accusing Shuichi of seeing someone else? You know he's not like that," Hiro said, anger rising at the nonchalant way Yuki was answering him. "You know he loves you right?"

"Love can't be the only thing in a relationship," Yuki snapped. "There are other things that need consideration, and we've reached as far as we're going to go. If he leaves that door today, we're done."

"You are such a bastard," Hiro said shaking his head. He turned and rushed after Shuichi. The master bedroom door was closed, and Hiro knocked gently before he stepped into the cool bright room. His gaze saddening when he it found Shuichi's lean figure lying face down on the king size bed as he cried with heart breaking sobs. "Shuichi," he murmured.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own gravitation, someone else does.**

**Chapter Three**

* * *

Hiro crawled onto the bed and lay down facing Shuichi. Rubbing a hand over the trembling back, he pulled the lean figure closer to him and held Shuichi in a tight comforting hug. His fingers running through dark hair, murmuring soothing words as Shuichi cried like he was mourning.

"Shuichi," Hiro said quietly. "Please stop, you're going to make yourself sick."

"I don't know why he's like this, Hiro," Shuichi sobbed out. "I can't seem to reach him, and now since Mika told me what happened to him, I can't stop worrying. It's so much harder. I love him so much."

"Shu-chan," Hiro soothed, rocking the trembling body in his arms gently. "I think it's best to start at the beginning because I'm a little lost right now. Frankly, I'm really scared that you've kept this away from me. It's obviously been going on for a while, why didn't you come to me?"

"I couldn't," Shuichi said shaking his head. His head buried into Hiro's leather jacket. "You're happy now, Hiro. I'm sorry you had to witness this."

"Whether I'm happy or not, you're my best friend, Shu-chan. I care very much what's happening to you," Hiro chastised. "So, start from the beginning and tell me what the hell's going on. Why did I walk into a war zone?"

Shuichi hiccupped and his fingers tightened on Hiro's back before he shook his head slightly and said in a quiet voice.

"We've been fighting a lot lately. Yuki will just suddenly lose his temper with me, and some days it gets pretty bad, that I need to leave and stay away for a few days. But then, when I come back, he acts so loving, and nice, I can't bring it up, and we end up not talking about."

Hiro closed his eyes imagining a repeat of the fight he'd just walked into over and over. Just watching it had drained him, doing it every day would be exhausting. "What's changed?"

"After we did that concert at the theatre in Ginza, Mika called me to go to hospital. Yuki was admitted with acute ulcers that day. He was hurting so bad the doctors needed to keep him overnight so that they can treat him. I blamed myself because I thought _I_ made him sick. We fight so much; the stress is not good for that kind of thing. But then, Mika told me something about Yuki's past that night."

Hiro frowned when Shuichi tightened his fingers against his back.

"Yuki's past is so bad, Hiro," Shuichi shook his head again. "I can't tell it to you, because it's his secret, but I don't know how to help him. I want to help, but he won't let me in, and I'm running out of choices. Mika says Yuki wants me to walk away from him, she says that I shouldn't, but-

"What do you want," Hiro asked, noting that Shuichi was just saying what others wanted him to do. Rubbing the trembling back gently, he urged. "Shu-chan, what do you want to do about this relationship?"

"I love him," Shuichi confessed quietly. "I can't stand being away from him. Even on those nights he's kicked me away, I still want to come back and be with him. But, the pain, it's too deep."

"Come stay with me, then," Hiro said. "Until you figure it out, come be with me."

"What about Ayaka-chan," Shuichi asked with a small sigh. "I'm the reason she didn't marry Yuki in the first place. Do you think she'll want me around you?"

"You are my best friend first," Hiro replied knowing that Ayaka did not hate Shuichi. In fact, she was grateful to him for having saved her from a loveless marriage. "Besides, she's at home in Kyoto and won't visit Tokyo for two weeks."

"Fine," Shuichi capitulated with a small voice. "I've missed you anyway."

"Good," Hiro said pulling back to look into Shuichi's eyes. He hadn't slept, Hiro thought with worry. He could see the blood shot eyes, and the tear tracks running down those cheeks didn't help any. "Go wash your face, we need to get some food in you, and then some sleep."

"Hiro," Shuichi started, when Hiro got off the bed and reached out to pull Shuichi up as well. When Hiro smiled at him, he stopped what he was going to say and nodded in understanding. Instead, he went into the master bathroom and Hiro heard the sound of water running.

Letting a sigh escape, he walked to the walk in closet a few feet away and started packing some clothes and necessities for Shuichi. That was how Yuki found him when he walked into the room. Hiro's gaze moved to the bathroom, but he was glad to see the door closed, and the sound of a running shower. Grabbing up some t-shirts from a drawer, he looked at Yuki again. The man stood watching him intently.

"What," Hiro asked as he packed the t-shirts into a Louis Vuitton traveling bag.

"You're taking him," Yuki said quietly.

"I am," Hiro said firmly. "He needs to think. You do too, from the look of things. I heard you were in the hospital."

"So," Yuki asked looking around the bedroom. His gaze finally resting on the closed bathroom door, he continued. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"He's a mess, Yuki. You're destroying my best friend. Forgive me if I want to fix him before you completely obliterate him. This isn't how to deal with your issues. You're torturing him."

"It's none of your business," Yuki spat out turning to look at him.

"It is now," Hiro said firmly. Closing the bag he'd filled with clothes, and shoes, and all things he thought Shuichi might need. Lifting it up, he walked out of the closet and placed the bag on the bed. "I don't understand you. You were so worried about him a while back. So 'in love' with him, you could have fooled me. Now, all I see is two people clearly hurting each other as best as they can. You've turned him into this, Yuki. I won't stand for it. Go on back to your study, work on your manuscripts. Let me take care of Shuichi."

Yuki gave him a peculiar look, one that spoke so much, Hiro thought. Perhaps this was hurting the older man more than he dared to say. But right now, his concerns were for Shuichi and not Yuki. Yuki had Mika and Tohma Seguchi. He'd be just fine. The shower stopped and Hiro gave Yuki a warning glance. Yuki took a step forward and for a moment, Hiro imagined the man would refuse to leave. A few seconds of indecision and then Yuki turned and strode out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly.

Hiro sighed in relief. The bathroom door opened and a freshly showered Shuichi walked in to the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his hips. He was rubbing a towel through his hair, and offered Hiro a sheepish grin when he looked up.

"I don't think I've cleaned up in the past two days. Been holed up in a hotel room, I'm so tired."

"As soon as you're dressed, I'll take you out for some lunch, and then you can hit the pillows at my house," Hiro said gently.

* * *

Quebec was having a windy autumn, Tohma thought as his gaze took in his surroundings. He sat at an outside table in bistro enjoying a cappuccino. People milled up and down the street walking briskly, the lazy air of summer was gone. Sipping the hot liquid, he sat back and glanced at his watch. Some things never changed, he mused. His cell phone beeped and he retrieved it from his jackets inside pocket.

"I need you back here," Mika said into his ear when he answered the call. "Eiri is in trouble."

"What's wrong?" Tohma asked, his stomach twisting in a familiar way. Eiri was a responsibility he couldn't live down. One he never wanted to let go of, even though he now had children and his energies were required there. "Mika-san, is he alright?"

"He will be," Mika replied firmly. "Just as soon as you get home, so finish with your business and get here already."

She hung up without explaining more. It was a habit he was used to, but at the moment, while the topic was centered on Eiri, he found that he hated it. Shoving the phone back into his pocket, he glanced up to find Ryuichi seated across him.

"What," Tohma asked a bit irritated to have been caught so unaware.

"Eiri must be in trouble," Ryuichi said with a knowing smile. "You only get that expression when he's involved."

"Do you ever show up on time," Tohma responded, letting out a soft breath. He reached for his cappuccino and took a delicate sip. Damn it may be things were not going right between Shuichi and Eiri. He should have foreseen such a problem. Those two were always in some kind of dramatic episode. Frowning, he wondered what could have gone so wrong to make Mika call him back from a business trip.

"The shoot is over, I'll go back to Tokyo with you," Ryuichi announced interrupting his thoughts.

Glancing up, Tohma frowned and shook his head in confusion. "Ryuichi what do you mean by that? You wanted to go on a promotional tour from tomorrow."

"I've changed my mind," Ryuichi said looking up at the sky. He let out a deep breath and crossed his arms against his chest. "I miss a certain someone's charm."

"No," Tohma said automatically. The idea of adding Ryuichi into a potential troubled situation frightened him. If Eiri and Shuichi were having problems, then this was not the time for Ryuichi to return. "Go for your tour, Ryuichi, it's important for the movie."

"I'm going with you," Ryuichi said, meeting his gaze with dark blue eyes. They rarely looked that serious, Tohma thought with a sigh. Ryuichi was happy smiling and laughing around like an idiot, except for when things were important to him. He didn't think there was a choice in this. Even if he refused, Ryuichi would somehow make it back to Tokyo, and trouble would start without him knowing.

"Fine," Tohma said turning to catch a waitress's attention. It was better to be aware of what the key players were up to at all times anyway. "We'll leave in two hours, Mika insists."

"Yay," Ryuichi said clapping his hands. Those eyes sparkling like a child's would at the sight of shiny stones. What a mystery this man was.

* * *

Mika stood in the kitchen at Eiri's house cutting up vegetables. She wanted to make a nice stew for him, but her mind kept wandering to three nights ago when she'd told Shuichi the truth about Eiri. The young man had been devastated. Devastated was even an understatement she thought sadly. Watching him, she'd thought she was watching the world end in his eyes. Those amethyst eyes losing their life, shoulders slumping so far down, she'd felt like a monster for being the one to break the truth to him. She wished she'd not done it.

Placing the knife down, she braced her hands on the counter and stared out the kitchen windows with a sigh. What then could she have done, she wondered. Eiri was her little brother, and he had suffered through so much. Was it bad to wish he found some relief? And he had found it in Shuichi. For two years now, she'd felt her heart soar every time Eiri smiled voluntarily. His books while still centered on tragic romances were more upbeat. She saw him at their family home more often. His editor didn't need to result to calling Tohma for help to locate Eiri when his deadlines were up. How could she not appreciate Shuichi's presence in her brother's life?

Telling Shuichi the truth, she'd hoped that he would manage to release Eiri from that ghost as well. But for Shuichi to leave so easily, without fighting for their love, she was disappointed in the rock singer.

"What are you thinking about so seriously," Yuki asked walking to the coffee maker. "If you keep frowning like that, those lines will become permanent. Those babies of yours will scream every time they see you."

"Oh, shut up Eiri," Mika said picking up the chopping board and heading over to the cooking range. She moved to the cupboards and rummaged out a frying pan. "What did you do to Shuichi?"

"Nothing," Yuki replied with a shrug. He sipped at the fragrant coffee and leaned on the counter watching her rinse out the pan. "He just left with that Hiro."

"Hiro-kun would never interfere unless he thought you two were in trouble," Mika pointed out. "What did you do? I told you to play nice."

"You're the one who went talking about issues that don't concern you."

"Eiri, what happened to you in New York is reality. You need to realize that you can't sweep it under the rug and forget it. Shuichi loves you, it's important for him to know your situation."

"I was going to tell him on my own time," Yuki pointed out with a glare at her.

"You mean when the world ended and both of you were in hell?" Mika asked shaking her head. "You have such a big head. I suppose that's part of the charm."

Yuki sighed and continued sipping at his coffee. Mika sneaked a glance at him as she started the fire and hid a smile at the frown dancing on his gorgeous forehead. Ha, she wasn't the only one who was going to be getting permanent lines. At least the frown was a sign that he still cared. That was a good sign.

"I've been thinking," Mika said as she got started cooking the veggies. "The reason why you're having such a hard time, is it because Shuichi calls you Yuki?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Yuki asked with a scowl.

"Eiri, you can't fool me," Mika replied. "I warned you when you took up that name. That boy is so in love with you, and he's calling you 'Yuki' is probably bringing up so many memories, you can't breath."

"Quit that," Yuki cursed under his breath and shifted his feet. His golden gaze fixed on the liquid in his cup, he shook his head. "Stop trying to solve this."

"If you want me to stop, you have to try and fix this. Otherwise, I'll just keep at it," Mika said moderating spices in her pot. "Go back to your psychiatrist and make an effort with Shuichi."

"What effort can be made with him?" Yuki demanded then. He placed his cup of coffee down and pushed off the counter. "If he knows the truth of the past, why did he choose to leave? I warned that friend of his. If he left, we were over, and I meant that."

"You're lying to yourself," Mika said, covering her vegetables. She turned and looked at her younger brother, her arms at her waist. "Shuichi matters and you know it. You're hurting, and therefore hurting him, you know that too. So, quit being a hard headed pig and start being truthful."

"You annoy me," Yuki growled. "Why don't you go back to Kyoto? You're neglecting the next generation."

"I wouldn't have to, if you'd only get your affairs in order," Mika shouted after his retreating back.

Damn it, he was so annoying. She wanted to punch some sense into him. She would too if she wasn't so conscious of the fact that he had just left the hospital. Stupid little brothers, she cursed under her breath. Where the hell was her husband when she needed him? And that Shuichi, he was going to get it. How dare he leave without talking to her first?

Stalking over to the sink, she turned on the cold water and leaned over to wash her face before she started steaming from the frustration burning in her head.

* * *

_Thanks so much for the response to this story. Keep reading, and reviewing, I love reading your comments. ^_^_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: - Gravitation is not mine, sadly. It belongs to Maki Murakami.**

* * *

**anti nostalgic  
**

_Transparency dyes the night sky, and _

_I walk alone on the road that always leads home._

_Singing to myself, I want to send these kinds of feelings to you in your sleep, oh um…_

_I'm tangled up in something, I'm getting a little sick of myself…_

_Tangled up in the feelings to convey to those days that have been left behind…_

_The heart I've forgotten somewhere is starting to hurt a little_

_I keep searching for you in a night lit by the stars that are bound to that time. _

_I know that (those feelings) can't possibly reach you from here. _

_The tears keep falling; just being able to be close to you._

_I'm starting to want to smile, just a little…_

_Someone asks questions; I'm starting to want this to make more sense._

_You cast those too brilliant days into a fading shadow-_

**Chapter Four**

* * *

Shuichi sat on a high stool in the Bad Luck studio at NG Productions singing _anti nostalgic_ for the sake of it. Pressing his right hand to his chest, he closed his eyes as the emotions filled his heart too the brim. They were choking the life out of him, he had to stop singing. It was early morning, and the sun was still rising. The studio was dark; he hadn't wanted the lights to mar his mood. He was starting to like the serenity darkness seemed to provide. It was as though reality couldn't intrude into his life when it was this dark. Opening his eyes, he stared down at his black converse stars and let a sigh escape. Seriously, he wished he could feel just a little happy right now.

Spending the night at Hiro's place had been so much fun. He'd missed his best friend's company so much. It was easy to be around Hiro. The laughs came so easily with him. Sleep had also come easily, surprisingly. The only reason he was at work this early was because Tohma Seguchi had called a meeting at seven o'clock in the morning. Shuichi was assuming that the man had either heard about his issues with Yuki, or a new tour was being arranged.

The thought of a tour made bile rise up. Leaving Tokyo was the last thing he wanted right now. If he left, there was no telling what he'd return to. He might not be able to go home right now, but that penthouse he owned with Yuki was his home. At some point, the right answers were going to find him, and he was going to go back there. But, he really couldn't leave Tokyo right now.

Yuki, he sighed again. Yuki, Yuki.

Shaking his head, he adjusted that thought. Uesugi Eiri. That was his name. His real name, which he needed to start using if things were going to get any easier between them, the only problem was he knew so little about Uesugi Eiri. Closing his eyes, he wondered what Uesugi Eiri thought of him.

The pressurized glass door swung open, and Shuichi looked up to find Hiro standing there. For a moment, their gazes met and held before Hiro cocked his head toward the door indicating it was time for the meeting. Getting off the stool, Shuichi followed Hiro out putting his hands into his jacket pockets. They took the elevator to the executive floor, and were strolling down the richly carpeted hallway when Hiro said quietly.

"Don't let him tell you off."

"I don't think there is anything to be told off about," Shuichi said quietly. "E-Yuki," he paused with a shake of his head. He couldn't get the other name out. "He doesn't want me in the house."

"It's not your fault," Hiro said firmly. His hand swinging over Shuichi's shoulder, he pulled him into a quick side hug as they came up to the receptionist's desk. She smiled at them and pointed to the private conference room Tohma used with his most important bands. Hiro steered them toward the closed white double doors. "I'm right here, don't forget that."

"I know," Shuichi said grateful for the warmth Hiro was providing. For some reason, he was feeling extra chilled today. Darned weather was changing must faster than people were saying.

Suguru was already in the conference room. He sat swiveling a chair around as he stared up at the ceiling. When they walked in, he stopped the motion and waved at them. His gaze rested on Shuichi's face with a speculative glance. Shuichi frowned and stared right back.

"What?" Shuichi asked when Suguru didn't look away.

"Are you alright? I heard you slept over Hiro's place."

"I'm fine," Shuichi replied pulling out a seat across Suguru. He didn't want to go into any kind of explanations, mostly because he really didn't have any. What was he supposed to say? 'My boyfriend is having major issues with goblins from his past, so we're fighting like cats and dogs, and he's threatened to kill my phantom lover.' Yep, that did sound a bit like the truth. At the same time, it was so pathetic, especially since the part about the phantom lover still made his heart hurt. How could Yuki even think that of him?

"You don't look so fine," Suguru said with a shake of his head. The skeptic look he wore made Shuichi want to reach over the wide conference table and smack him on the face. Damn Seguchis were too perceptive for their own good. "Is there going to be a scandal coming? You have that look about you."

"Don't piss me off in the morning," Shuichi retorted, giving Suguru a dirty look. He just knew the guy was trying to get a rise out of him. Right now, getting a rise out of him might include a shouting match. The one thing he didn't want to get into right before a meeting with Tohma Seguchi.

"Settle down you two," Hiro said, taking the seat beside Shuichi. "Suguru, don't start this early in the morning."

"Playing the hero, Hiro?" Suguru said with a wink.

"Now you're just reaching," Hiro shot back shaking his head. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing," Suguru said, returning to swiveling his chair. "I hate meetings; we should be in the studio right now. I swear if this is about Shuichi's drama-

"Back off," Shuichi said glaring at their youngest band mate. Sometimes he could be such a pain. The only thing that made it worth while to still have Suguru in the band was his genius brains. His attitude still needed major adjustment. "What's with you?"

Suguru would have replied, but then the door that led into Tohma's office opened and their boss strolled in followed by K and Sakano. They were followed by two women and a young man. Seeing this, Suguru stood up and walked around the long table to come sit on Shuichi's left. Suguru might irritate him sometimes but he did know about making a statement to outsiders. Bad Luck was first and foremost a successful band, and no one outside the group was allowed to see any cracks.

"Morning," Tohma said as everyone settled down. "I'm glad to see everyone here on time. I'll get straight to the point. I called you in this morning to discuss an important issue raised by the NG board of directors. Bad Luck remains the most popular brand in the NG label and we are now faced with a challenge. For the last four years, the band has enjoyed a steady image, which was useful for the climb up the charts. We were selling a new band, and establishing the band members. Now that we have, the challenge we now face is to maintain Bad Luck's new found elite status, and remain original. In short, I am announcing a complete re-branding of Bad Luck. This new re-branding will utilize all the facets of the band, old and new, this should help us keep things exciting."

"Re-branding," Shuichi said slowly. It sounded so technical; all he wanted was to keep writing music. He hadn't heard any complaints from the fans lately. What was wrong with how they were right now?

"I hope it doesn't include our music," Hiro said quietly.

"The change is tailored to fit the changing nuances of your music. You're maturing, and changing, as is your sound and voice. Shuichi's lyrics have been undergoing a lot of change, we can't compare him to the way he was when he first started," K explained. "This is a good thing; in fact, it's played a major role in this new idea."

"This team of three, together with K-san and Sakano, will be in-charge of this project. We will be unveiling the new Bad Luck in three months, in that time, I want a new album, new look, and all the necessary changes done. I expect the best, nothing less, K-san is spearheading this, and all final decisions pass through him. Is that understood?"

"Yes," they all said. Not that they had any other choice, Shuichi thought glumly, his gaze on the new comers. They would follow Tohma's orders whether they wanted to or not. He sometimes wondered whether the man asked the question just to make fun of them.

"Shindou-san," Tohma said then, making Shuichi glance up at the formality of his words. "Meet me in my office after this meeting. I'd like a word with you."

"Yes, of course," Shuichi replied with a bow. He really wasn't going to escape the Seguchi chopping board today. He'd been hoping to escape it for another day or two, but Tohma didn't joke about his precious Eiri. Letting a breath out slowly, he returned his attention back to the new comers and K.

K waited for Tohma to leave before he stood up and turned off the lights. The overhead screen came down and a picture of the current Bad Luck signature picture from their last album came up. They'd gone for the punk look in their last album.

The shoot had been done at a studio in Harajuku; Shuichi's hair was spiked to the tips. Dressed in a white t-shirt with splashed paint, white pants that were studded with large safety pins, and no shoes, the photographer had captured Shuichi while he sang with his eyes closed.

Hiro stood beside Shuichi, his hair messed up wildly, a lock of hair was streaked green and his eyes dark with eye shadow as he kept his gaze on Shuichi. He was dressed in white leather pants that had shiny studs along the seams. The stylist had insisted he not wear a shirt, instead they had placed a fake Bad Luck tattoo that looked too real on Hiro's left arm. He held a black guitar playing it with fingers that were ringed and painted black.

They'd stepped out of the box with Suguru, Shuichi admitted. The younger man was rarely the wild one in the group, but this shoot had brought out a side of him none of them had imagined. Dressed in white, like everyone else, his clothes were ripped in strategic places. His green hair was spiked like Shuichi's and the face makeup had brought out his eyes so well. He wore no shoes and he was leaned back on a keyboard, his arms crossed against his chest, his gaze on Shuichi and Hiro.

The shot screamed hot young men, rocking out. They'd unveiled it at their fourth album launch, and it had been a hit. Sakano, surprisingly, had created the whole punk campaign, allowing them to have fun on the fourth album.

"This was the fourth album," K announced, and then the slide changed and a big question mark filled the screen. "This is the fifth album. Do you know why there is a question mark on my screen?"

Shuichi blinked at the question, Hiro shrugged but Suguru let out a sigh before he said, "We haven't worked on the fifth album."

"Exactly," K replied. "Shuichi, I need your head in the game, three months might seem like a long time, but it's not. Your music makes the campaign."

"Put all the pressure on me," Shuichi said with a sigh.

K slammed his hand on the conference table surprising everyone at the sudden noise he made. Shuichi met K's gaze with eyes.

"Start thinking," K ordered him seriously. "Whatever you need to get this done, tell me by the end of today. We need new songs and a new sound that will keep the masses glued to your music. Figure out what will give us that today, Shuichi."

Shuichi couldn't speak, so he just nodded. K could be scary when he chose to be and currently those eyes of his were looking at him as though they were really capable of freezing him to a block of ice. Pushing his chair out, Shuichi stood up and bowed to the two newcomers he still didn't know.

"I have to go talk to the boss," Shuichi said quietly. "I'll let you know what I need afterward."

K nodded and motioned for him to leave. Giving Hiro a short glance, he headed for the door that connected to Tohma's office. Hiro and Suguru returned their attention to the three new team mates and the last thing heard was the introductions before he closed the door behind him.

* * *

Tohma's office was meant to intimidate. A lot of power was wielded from it, and every time Shuichi walked into the place, he felt sufficiently insignificant. There was nothing like seeing The Man behind his massive mahogany desk, framed by the picturesque sight of Tokyo city. Tohma sat behind his desk murmuring into a cell phone he held to his ear. Dressed in a black suit that showed off a navy blue shirt, he swiveled the large chair he sat in slowly.

Shuichi kept his silence and chose to sit on one of the comfortable blue arm chairs he was sure were from some famous designer. Photo books decorated the glass coffee table before the arm chairs. One of them was of Bad Luck, pictures from their early days, photos from their magazine covers, Shuichi was secretly proud to see that Tohma Seguchi would keep a photo book of Bad Luck in his office. And why not, Shuichi thought, cocking his head to the left, his gaze moving to the other books. They made him more than enough money, didn't they?

"Shuichi-san," Tohma interrupted his little praise exercise.

Glancing up, he was surprised to find his boss seated across him in a similar arm chair. Tohma sat back in his, and looked at him for a moment before he leaned forward, as if to study Shuichi better.

"I need to understand something," Tohma said. "What is it with you and Eiri? I can't go a month without having to deal with some sort of issue in your private lives. Why can't you just be like everyone else?"

Shuichi found that he was momentarily without words. The question was so out of character for Tohma. He always had the right answers. "We are like everyone else."

"No," Tohma shook his head and leaned back in his seat. "Far from it, Shuichi-san, I suppose I shouldn't hate it as much as I do right now. But I can't help it. Why did you move out?"

"I have my reasons," Shuichi said meeting Tohma's gaze fair and square. This was obviously not going to be a soft argument. Tohma was out for blood. "I'm allowed that much."

"Eiri was in hospital, he just returned home, don't you care about him?" Tohma asked with a frown. "Because, the way I see it, if you really did love him, you'd be by his side making sure he was doing well. Since you're not, I'm forced to assume that you two have broken up."

"Is that what you called me in here for?" Shuichi asked with a frown. "You think it would be so easy to call it quits with him? I'm losing my mind just worrying about it. If it wasn't for Hiro, yesterday, I'd probably not have gotten any sleep." Launching to his feet, Shuichi glared down at Tohma. "You have no right to say this to me. He kicked me out first, if you really must know. But wait, you do know, because K and Mika-san knew. So, when Yuki kicks me out, you don't bat an eyelash. When I leave, you're up in arms. Thanks so much," Shuichi yelled.

"I've told you before; Eiri is my main concern at all times. You should know this already," Tohma said barely moved by Shuichi's anger. "Well, no matter, the situation works better for me this way anyway."

"How," Shuichi asked walking around his arm chair to pace the space there. He wanted to punch his boss so badly, his fingers were itching. When had he gotten so violent? Shaking his head, he clenched his fingers as he turned. Living with Yuki was doing this to him. Darned idiot, this was all Mika's fault. She'd sucked this rabid dog of hers on him because he'd moved out without telling her.

"You're going away to write this album," Tohma said quietly. "You need time away from Eiri, he needs to feel better. You get to leave."

"Why me," Shuichi demanded. "Why should I leave Tokyo, why can't he leave?"

"He is better off here, and you know it. Mika told me what she told you. You know about Eiri's past. Do you think he should be away from family?" Tohma asked. "I thought you were different, Shuichi. That kind of story would have made you more sympathetic to Eiri. What has changed?"

Shuichi stopped his pacing and stared at the floor. The truth of the matter lay right in that question. Trust Tohma to hit the nail right on the head. He couldn't really tell anyone the truth. Yuki's secret was so personal, and painful, Mika had actually showed him a lot of trust by telling him. He couldn't talk to Hiro about it, and Yuki, well, that guy just wanted him to leave anyway. Tohma was obviously in any boat Yuki chose. He was alone in this.

"You're right, I should leave," Shuichi said quietly. Leaving was starting to be the best option. The pain would ease, his head would clear, and this love he had for a man he didn't understand would make sense. Tohma was right. "What did you have in mind?"

"You won't tell me what this is all about?" Tohma asked.

"You've already made your conclusion. Tell me where I'm going?" Shuichi said looking up to face Tohma. "This is best right, you should know."

"Shuichi-san," Tohma frowned.

Shuichi shook his head and took a step back. His heart hurt. It kept hurting at odd times. This stupid sharp pain that lanced through his chest made it difficult to breath, why were things always so complicated. He loved Yuki, he knew that. But then, taking in a deep breath, he bowed to Tohma and smiled.

"Well, I'm sure you'll get the details to me when it's time. I'm staying with Hiro for now. I think I should go back to the studio, try and get started." Shuichi turned and left the office using the main door as fast as he could. He didn't return to the conference room, instead, he ran to the elevators. He was leaning on the button when the doors opened. Walking in without looking up, he pressed the ground floor button and watched as the doors closed slowly.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath when his thoughts refused to move away from Yuki. "I'm cursed."

"That makes two of us," Yuki said behind him, making him jump in shock.

Whirling around, Shuichi stared at the object of his very life, and wondered what kind of game fate was trying to play on him. His stupid heart soared in joy, warmth seeping in just from the sight of Yuki. Tears filled his eyes, and he shook his head to ward them off.

"What are you doing here?" Shuichi asked quietly. It was taking everything he had not to fling himself into Yuki's arms. He looked so good too. A long black coat tied closed at his waist, emphasized Yuki's height. His hair was wind blown and those golden eyes met his with such challenge.

"I came to see Tohma," Yuki replied casually. "He has some business with me."

"I'm sure," Shuichi replied with a sigh. He hated this stupid bond Yuki and Tohma seemed to have. It was as if he couldn't be part of the elite club and it maddened him.

"Shuichi," Yuki said quietly.

His tone was such that Shuichi couldn't help but look up to those eyes again. A mistake he knew, but how could he fight what he saw in there. Did it matter that his heart flipped up and down just from being this close to him. Yuki took a step forward closing their distance. His arms moved around Shuichi's slender body and pulled him closer. Shuichi couldn't help the whimper of happiness when he was finally pressed to Yuki's warmth.

His hands moved without thought, winding them around Yuki's waist, Shuichi breathed in the scent of nicotine gum and spice. His eyes closed in bliss as Yuki tightened his hold on him. He couldn't imagine this elevator ride ending, he just couldn't. This was so rare lately; it felt like he was dreaming.

Lost in the wonder of being held in Yuki's arms, he was even more surprised to feel Yuki's lips pressed to his jaw. They traveled to his lips and Shuichi couldn't help the moan that escaped as they fell into a wild kiss. It had been so long, Shuichi couldn't stop his aggression as he clung harder to Yuki. A sob escaped when Yuki pulled back for a breath.

"I've missed that," Shuichi confessed when Yuki pulled him up into his chest again. "I can't stop wanting it. It feels like jumping in the fire with my eyes wide open."

"You've always been an idiot."

"I'm not the one carrying out a seduction in an elevator," Shuichi replied. "This can't go any further than it has."

"I can fix that," Yuki replied rubbing a hand up and down Shuichi's back. "My car is right outside."

"I guess I deserve that," Shuichi sighed. He tried to pull back but Yuki kept holding him. Sliding his head to the side, he glanced up at the elevator lights. It was a miracle no one had joined them down the ten floors yet. The ground floor was coming up, and a paparazzi shot of him clinging to Yuki at the NG offices elevator was not what he wanted to wake up to tomorrow. Not when he couldn't be happy outside of this elevator. "We should stop."

"I don't think we should," Yuki replied still holding on.

Suddenly Shuichi wasn't sure they were talking about their current embrace or their relationship in general. There was so much they needed to talk about. Yuki's past being the most obvious topic to tackle. His anger rose and he found that he wanted to punch Yuki again for not telling him something so important. Was it fair that Yuki knew everything about him, but when it came to Yuki, he knew nothing? No, it wasn't right. Hearing scary stories from Mika was not the way he wanted to know about Yuki.

"I can feel you getting tense right now." Yuki let go of him and took a step back. "I'm not up for a fight right now, anyway, why don't you head where you were going."

"It's always like this with you," Shuichi said as the elevator doors opened. "This is not my fault; don't put the blame on me up there with Tohma. I'm not destroying us, you are, Yuki."

"So hot headed," Yuki said reaching out, he pushed Shuichi out of the elevator. "I have an appointment. I'll talk to you later."

Shuichi stared in shock as the doors closed and he was left standing at the ground floor. Damn bastard. What the hell was wrong with him? Talk later, Shuichi scoffed. Where would they be talking? Yuki knew perfectly well that he was sleeping at Hiro's. Tohma would be sure to break the exciting news. He could almost see that stupid grin Tohma wore when he was around Yuki. Tohma would announce his departure plans to Yuki with glee. Yuki would smile in triumph. Those two deserved each other, Shuichi decided as he turned and stalked out of the building. Rico was waiting at the front and Shuichi got in the car with a small nod.

"Where to," Rico asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"My parents' house," Shuichi answered quietly.

* * *

_LoveMeNine – Thank you so much for your comments, I'm glad I'm getting Yuki just right for you. He drives me nuts too, so stubborn that one. _

_Chloboshoka- Thanks so much for the compliment. I'm glad you like the story._

_Bettyek – I'm glad you loved reading this story. _

_Saint Germain –So happy to see you again, I'm glad I still have your interest. ^_^_

_AlexisAshnew- I love, love your comment, I'm glad you love this story. _

_I promise to keep going, hope to bring as much drama as I can, hehe, of course, love included as well. Cheers,_

_Elainanna_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: - Gravitation is not mine, sadly. It belongs to Maki Murakami.**

**Chapter Five**

* * *

"You want me to go away with Shuichi," Yuki said with a lifted brow, as he stared at Tohma. Shaking his head, he sat back in the blue arm chair and stared at his brother in-law who sat in a similar chair across him. "What game are you playing now?"

"No game," Tohma replied, sipping tea.

Yuki had come in just as Tohma's secretary was laying out tea for them on the coffee table. He leaned to pick his own cup and his gaze fell on Shuichi smiling back at him. A photo from the past, he mused. Shuichi at eighteen had been adorable. Dressed in short shorts and a long yellow coat, his hair died pink, he couldn't help smiling. It was hard to reconcile the boy in the picture with the one he'd just kissed in the elevator. Those amethyst eyes were smiling with innocence in the picture. The ones he'd just looked into, he sighed, he doubted had smiled in a while. Leaning back, he sipped at his tea.

"I just met him in the elevator, he seemed upset," Yuki said quietly. "What did you do?"

"He's always upset these days," Tohma pointed out. "I just gave him an ultimatum, that's all. He's about to write his fifth album. Bad Luck is re-branding, and the board is pressuring for higher numbers. What can I say; Shuichi's life is full of work right now."

"You want it that way, to keep him away from me," Yuki said with a sigh. "So, why do you want me to go away with him?"

"Is that what you want," Tohma countered, that blue gaze fixated on Yuki.

Sipping at his tea again, Yuki shook his head. Tohma was playing a game with Shuichi. Probably trying to make him move back to the pent house, but this was not the way. The situation with Shuichi was one that he, Yuki, had created deliberately.

"What do you want from me?" Yuki asked.

"The truth, Eiri, what the hell is going on with you two, I go to Canada for two days, and return to chaos." Tohma placed his cup back on the coffee table and leaned forward to study Yuki. "I could almost believe that you don't care about him anymore, but I can still see it in your eyes. Why are you fighting him?"

"He's better off without me," Yuki replied. "Besides, he still has a crush on Sakuma. May be it will be best to let him explore that."

"Don't complicate this situation," Tohma replied exasperated. "I'm giving you a chance to sort this out. Go with Shuichi, or stay, what do you want."

Yuki stared at his brother in-law for a moment before he looked away and stared out the windows. The obvious choice was to leave with Shuichi. He loved him, needed him, but then, closing his eyes, he shook his head slowly. Shuichi's love hurt in a place he didn't know how to heal. A place that could never heal, he knew that because he'd been trying to fix it for years now and still the best he could do was hurt others.

"Let him go," Yuki answered quietly. "I need to write a new book anyway, it will give me peace."

"You'll lose him this way," Tohma said quietly. "Don't let him leave like this, he might-

"He's better off without me," Yuki snapped. Standing up, he shrugged and looked around the grand office. "Don't try to fix this one, Tohma. You really can't, he needs to see that he is better off without me."

"Shuichi knows what he wants," Tohma said then, leaning back in his chair. "He always goes after what he wants. You should know that better than me."

"I do know it," Yuki said quietly. "I'm not what he needs right now, Tohma. He knows that too. That is why he left, and you should stop trying to punish him for it. I hurt him more than you can imagine. He's just coping with it. I'm heading out; remember to keep him safe though. Don't get him kidnapped or worse, alright."

* * *

Shuichi walked through the mall, a cap on his head, sunglasses covering his eyes, and his hands in his trouser pockets. Beside him, Maiko clutched at his elbow while she talked a mile a minute about Yuki Eiri's latest book. She wanted it, and couldn't wait for the release. She'd dragged him to the mall so that they could visit her favorite bookstore.

"Can I visit you guys soon?" Maiko asked. "I really want to talk to Eiri-san. He is so intense and beautiful. You had better be nice to him, Shuichi."

"Yeah, you try having a relationship with that man." Shuichi shrugged. "It's not so easy to be nice to him sometimes."

"Shu-chan," Maiko said her fingers squeezing his elbow. "Are things bad again?"

Shuichi looked at his sister for a moment before he turned his attention to a music store they were passing. Posters of Bad Luck decorated the front of the store, and at the entrance a cardboard sized Shuichi invited customers in. Walking past the store, Shuichi glanced back and was glad to see Rico trailing behind them.

"They are manageable," Shuichi answered his sister as they came up to a designer clothing shop. Maiko's gaze wandered over the display windows, and Shuichi caught the look of longing for a pair of boots being displayed there. K encouraged him to keep his wallet with him just incase he was stranded. Lucky for Maiko, Shuichi thought with a hidden smile. "Come on, let's go in here."

"But-

"Come on, those boots will look great on you," Shuichi encouraged as they walked into the store. "I'm your brother; I'm allowed to spoil you."

Maiko smiled and they both looked up as the store attendants came to greet them. Shuichi leaned on a pillar at the shoe section watching Maiko try on the boots. She was smiling at the attendant as they discussed the best style of boots to wear this fall. The weather was changing faster, the cold coming in; the boots would be good for her. He wondered if Yuki had gone shopping lately.

The man sometimes forgot to update his closet with warm things when he got to writing. At first he hadn't thought about such things. He'd never thought about taking care of others before, even taking care of his own health had been a problem, but after living with Yuki, it suddenly seemed important to know that Yuki was warm when he went out in the cold. He worried for Yuki's health as well which was why he'd pushed for the nicotine gum; even using arguments like his singing would suffer if Yuki kept smoking. He'd worn that battle, he thought with a small smile. Now, Yuki only smoked now when the deadlines he got were very stiff and he was stressed. On those days, Shuichi allowed him two sticks. But otherwise, there was no smoking in the house. _I hope he's not smoking right now._ Shuichi sighed. Yuki could be stubborn, but he was strict when it came to discipline. Once he got started on something, he didn't give it up. Taking comfort in that, his mind jumped to the last time he'd been in a clothing store with Yuki.

Three months ago, Mika had thrown a very formal party and insisted that it had to be black tie. Shuichi hadn't owned a suit before that. Noting the problem, Yuki had dragged him to an exclusive tailor in Ginza. Yuki had stood just like he was now, watching as a tailor took his measurements and got to work making a suit. After the fitting, Yuki had taken him out to dinner at a very discrete restaurant where they had spent hours talking and eating the most delicious sushi. That night, Yuki had made love to him until he'd sobbed, so immersed in the emotions and sensations it had felt like they were really one. A week later, he came home to find Yuki drinking in the living room. They fought shouting bitter words at each other and then Yuki had thrown the glass of whisky at him, barely missing his head. It hadn't seemed real. He was so in love with him he couldn't understand how Yuki could pull away like this.

"Shu-chan," Maiko called interrupting his thoughts. Glancing up, Shuichi tried to refocus on the current situation. Removing his glasses, he rubbed at his eyes for a moment then replaced the glasses and looked up to smile at his sister.

The women standing beside her gasped, and he realized what he had done. Maiko laughed and shook her head. "You're so out of it. Girls, please don't draw any attention to us, we're here incognito."

Shuichi returned her smile and turned on his charm. "Yes, my sister just had to have those boots at the window, and I guess I wanted to spoil her. They look good on you."

"You think," Maiko said doing a round about turn.

Shuichi realized that she'd changed from the casual jeans and fitted blouse she'd been wearing. She was now in a pretty pink dress that stopped just above her knee. The boots were deep red and were calf length. She looked very pretty. "I love it."

"Great," Maiko said happily. Clapping her hands, she came over to press a kiss on his forehead. "You're the best."

"I know," Shuichi said pulling out his wallet. He handed the cashier his black express card and watched as they packaged Maiko's items. His sister changed into the jeans and blouse and Rico took the bags for her. Signing the receipt the cashier handed him, he also signed the store brochures she laid out for him. Smiling at her enthusiasm, he finished with her and took back his card. "Well, let's head out."

Maiko clutched his arm again and Shuichi met Rico's gaze. His driver/bodyguard gave him a nod and Shuichi led Maiko out of the store. Rico would make sure the ladies didn't call any attention to them. Trusting in him, they continued their walk down the hallway headed to the bookstore.

"Shu-chan, what were you thinking about back there?" Maiko asked quietly. "What's hurting you?"

"It's not something I can explain easily, it's a long story," Shuichi said quietly.

"We have all day," Maiko said strolling beside him. She leaned into him and continued. "Shu-chan, you moved us so far from you. I'm not angry at you for that, because I know you are just protecting us. But, the street goes both ways. We protect you too. Just because you live with Eiri-san, doesn't mean that you should be hurt as well. You're family; tell me what's going on."

"I don't know where to start," Shuichi said simply.

"Do you still love him?" Maiko said.

"Yes," Shuichi said with conviction. That was one thing that would never change. His heart would always be with Yuki.

"That's a good place to start," Maiko said with a smile. "So, what's wrong? Did you fight with him?"

"We fight a lot," Shuichi said quietly, thinking about the hotel room that was paid for an entire year. That had been Rico's idea. That way he didn't need to check in each time he left, and they could guarantee Shuichi's privacy. "At first, they were simple arguments. Everyone has them, you and I argue, that kind of thing. It was harmless. But then, Yuki started drinking a lot and he would lose his temper if I did a particular thing. From saying a word, picking up chopsticks to eat, sipping a drink, I don't know. I can't figure it out."

"Have you talked about it with him?" Maiko asked a frown creasing her forehead.

"I-," Shuichi shook his head. "Every time I see him after a fight, he is so different. He acts like nothing happened. He'll come out of the study, and cook dinner like usual. We'll eat, sit around together, and sometimes end up in bed. I couldn't bring it up when he was like that."

Maiko stopped and stared at him. Shuichi turned to look at her. "What?"

"You settled for the moments of love he was giving you," Maiko said with flashing eyes. "Shuichi, you deserve more than that. I'm going to go have a talk with him, and give him a piece of my mind."

"No, please don't," Shuichi said. "I'm not at the penthouse anymore. I moved in with Hiro."

"You're just telling me this right now?" Maiko asked her voice tinged with hurt. "When did you move?"

"Yesterday," Shuichi replied with a shrug. "Hiro picked me up at the pent house. He found Yuki and I fighting, it was out of control."

"Damn it," Maiko cursed. "What am I to you, Shu-chan? Why couldn't you call me at all?"

"Maiko, I'm supposed to look out for you," Shuichi said noting that Rico had left the clothing store and was now coming toward them. Reaching for Maiko's hand, he pulled her along with him as they continued on to the bookstore. "I don't like the idea of you worrying about me. You're supposed to be enjoying your life and making your own mistakes, not thinking about mine."

"That's a double standard," Maiko pointed out with a shake of her head. "Stay with us for a while."

"What?" Shuichi asked in confusion.

"You told us that K told you to tell him what you needed to write the new album. I think you need to stay home with your family. Stay here in Shinjuku with us. You've never stayed here anyway for an extended period of time. Our house is so huge; I sometimes think I'll get lost in it. You should stay and feel what that is like, too."

"Maiko," Shuichi started to protest. But she rushed in front of him and stopped him from going any further. Putting her hands on his shoulders, she squeezed gently and looked into his eyes with deep purple eyes.

"Please, stay with us," Maiko said again. "Tohma-san won't mind it, you won't be in the city, and you'll be far away from Yuki-san. This is a good idea. Please say yes."

Shuichi stared at Maiko for a moment knowing that she wasn't going to let this go for anything. He knew it because he treated things the same way. It was also the same reason why he still loved Yuki. Rico came up to them and stood right beside him. Slanting his head to meet Rico's gaze, he was surprised when the man nodded in encouragement.

"Fine," Shuichi answered his sister. "But only if K says ok."

"Yay," Maiko said happily. "I'm so glad. Now, come on, we need to buy that new book, and then you're going to get it autographed for me when you get back to Tokyo. We also need to go to the food court; I found this place that is selling the best pretzels. You too, Rico, I bet you'll like them very much."

Shuichi grinned at his sister's enthusiasm allowing her to lead him along. His gaze returned to Rico and he smiled when he found his driver grinning as well. Well, this was going to be an interesting Shindou season.

* * *

"Shuichi wants to stay with his family," K said solemnly to Tohma. "I know you wanted to send him away, but this might actually be a better option. He'll be comfortable; his creative juices will be uninhibited. Let him go to Shinjuku."

Tohma stared out his windows, arms crossed against his chest. K's idea was viable, even better than sending Shuichi to Europe where he had first thought would be best. Shuichi needed to be in a relaxed mood to write, but it was worrying that he would still be in Japan. Those two needed a new environment to figure this situation between them.

"The Shindou home is a good place for both of them," Tohma said quietly. "I've met Shuichi's parents; they are different from Eiri's father. It will be a good experience for Eiri."

"Are you sure this is how you want to play this?" K asked.

"I don't know what is good any more with these two. You see, I can't understand the problem; Shuichi is acting out of character."

K came to stand beside Tohma, his hands deep in his trouser pockets. "Shuichi asked to be allowed this time alone for a while. Fifth album is a mile stone for Bad Luck. Give Shuichi a break."

"And then what happens to Eiri?" Tohma asked quietly.

"Have you considered that time apart might be good for him as well," K said gently. "Besides, allow Ryuichi the chance to get our boy beyond what he is now."

"You're courting trouble with such a suggestion," Tohma said with a sigh.

"Trouble is what Eiri needs so that he can realize what's important in life as well. I sent Ryuichi to Shuichi's home. They should be meeting soon."

"K-san," Tohma said in irritation. "If things get out of hand because of this, you fix it."

* * *

"I'm going to get you first," Shuichi warned. He held an elaborate water gun that was fully loaded. His hair held back with a green bandana, in cargo shorts and a neon green jacket, his feet bare, he ran around a lounge chair and crouched in full combat mode. His eyes covered with clear glasses were trained on Rico who was standing behind a bush a few feet away. Maiko was at the other end of the outdoor pool.

"You can try," Maiko called as she darted through the line of bushes across Rico.

Shuichi glanced around for a better vantage point, and then had to jump when Rico came running after him, in full battle mode. Making a loud cry, Shuichi got to his feet and rushed for the green patch of grass beyond the bushes, turning in intervals to shoot back at Rico. He tripped and fell back on his butt and was reduced to a series of loud laughs when Rico stood above him spraying water into his face.

"That looks like so much fun, I want to do it," Ryuichi shouted into the loud giggles.

Shuichi sat up, and stared at his idol. The tall man he hadn't seen in months stood a few feet away dressed in a tight pair of blue jeans and a green v-neck shirt. Not caring that he was wet, Shuichi jumped up to his feet and rushed him engulfing him in a tight hug that was reciprocated.

"I can't believe you're back," Shuichi exclaimed as he buried his head in Ryuichi's shoulder. "It's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Shu-chan," Ryuichi said closing his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: - Gravitation is not mine, sadly. It belongs to Maki Murakami.**

**Chapter Six**

* * *

"Sun shines bright, over the…" Shuichi read out loud with a frown. Over the what, he wondered. It was so hard to write lyrics sometimes. Letting out a sigh, he scratched the words out with his pen and tore out the leaflet. Bunching it into a ball, he threw it over his shoulder and stared at the brand new clean page. Now what, his frown deepened. His head was blank; it was like he had nothing more to say.

Sitting back in his chair, he stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. There was nothing to sing about he thought glumly. He'd never been in such a place before and it was scary. Letting a sigh escape, he sat up straight and his gaze fell on the clock on his desk. It was only ten o'clock in the morning. His parents had already left for their respective jobs; Maiko was out doing a project at the hospital for her thesis at Uni. Ryuichi was asleep on the bed; he'd had a pretty exciting night after which he'd passed out in Shuichi's room.

Pushing his chair out, he stood up and stretched the kinks out of his shoulders. Rubbing at his stomach over the gray t-shirt he wore, he tugged at the waist band of his matching sweat pants and walked to the balcony door. Pulling it open, he stepped out into the cool morning, the breeze teasing his mussed hair. His gaze took in the vast back lawn of the house he'd bought for his family. He'd hoped to protect them from his growing fame in the city when things had gone out of control and he'd gained a stalker. The two days he'd spend here were proving his decision right. His family was relaxed and living their lives quite comfortably.

Leaning against the stone balcony, he wondered what Hiro and Suguru were up to about now. They were supposed to be helping K do market research as well as promote their latest singles. He missed them, but being away from the city was good as well. He had room to breath without worrying about Yuki.

Yuki, he sighed again. Yuki and his horrible past, Shuichi thought with a wince, he should have never told Mika to tell him. He would have preferred to remain in the dark about this. Knowing what Yuki had done all those years ago was not easy. Closing his eyes, he forced his thoughts to remember Mika's story.

"_When he was sixteen years old, Eiri trusted his tutor, a man name Yuki Kitazawa. Unfortunately, that Yuki betrayed that trust and Eiri was raped by two men. He fought them off, and ended up killing them all in the struggle. To cope, he took up that awful last name he uses for his writing. It is some sort of weird penance for his actions, even though Yuki Kitazawa was the one who hurt him."_

Shuichi felt tears sting the back of his eyes. He couldn't believe it no matter how much he replayed it in his head. It seemed so wrong now to keep calling him Yuki. Each time he called him by that name, Shuichi shuddered. _He must think I'm calling his tutor_. That horrible man who'd hurt his lover. How could he fix this?

"What are you thinking about?" Ryuichi asked, coming out to join him on the balcony.

Shuichi glanced up at the interruption and turned to stare at his friend. Hiding a smile when Ryuichi let out a wide yawn, he reached out and pulled at the dark strands of long hair. He looked rumpled in his white sleeveless t-shirt and black sweats.

"Shouldn't you get some more sleep?" Shuichi asked with a raised brow. "You drank way too much last night."

"I'm fine," Ryuichi said leaning on the railing. He rubbed his eyes and smiled at Shuichi. "You've trashed the room with papers all over. Are you trying to write?"

"I don't have anything to say," Shuichi said with a groan. "K is going to kill me."

"It's too early," Ryuichi said with a shrug. "You shouldn't think about it. What are we doing today?"

"What do you mean?" Shuichi asked with a frown. Ryuichi was really too good looking for his own good. He'd missed being around Ryuichi's simple way of viewing things, except, of course, when Ryuichi decided to unleash his super intelligent side.

"This is a vacation, Shu-chan," Ryuichi said with glittering eyes. "I'll make sure you do something fun each day. Come on, I need some coffee, afterwards, we'll call Rico and he can drive us around the city."

Ryuichi ruffled his hair and hurried back into Shuichi's room. Walking cross the living area to the door. Shuichi couldn't help being a bit awed by the man. No one could even imagine that this was a two time movie awards winner, and the man with the most amazing voice in Japan. Ryuichi paused at the door and glanced back.

"Shu-chan, what are you doing? Let's go," Ryuichi called.

Shuichi abandoned his morbid thoughts about a past that wasn't his and hurried after his idol.

The next three weeks were spent in a whirlwind of activity. Ryuichi dragged him all over the city, when they had exhausted all theme parks, theatres, concerts and racing tracks they could find, Rico introduced them to a gaming community he'd grown up with. Time seemed to fly when they met up with that crowd. Shuichi couldn't remember being around people who got his hyper active side as well as their new friends. Ryuichi seemed to hook up with any one who was willing to romantically be involved with him. Seeing him do it was quite entertaining although it made him wish for Yuki even more. As hard as he tried, his thoughts constantly returned to Yuki.

After spending that Sunday with Maiko, Shuichi woke on Monday to find K seated on a chair beside his bed. Rubbing at his eyes, he sat up and stared at his blond manager with trepidation. His gaze flew to the notebook he used for lyrics that was now in K's hands. Great, he hadn't written anything sensible at all. He was going to be flogged. Shaking his head, he fell back into the comfortable pillows and waited for the tirade.

"Did you have a good time with Ryuichi?" K asked quietly. His tone was mild, nonchalant as though he was incapable of anger. How deceiving that tone was.

Shuichi didn't answer that question, there was no need to. He was well aware that NG security had been following their exploits avidly. Tohma would never allow his precious golden boy to run around without protection. Ryuichi was the reason why Tohma had gotten so good at being nosy after all. K's question was rhetorical.

"Time to work, Shuichi," K continued as he kept flipping the notebook. His blue gaze going over the notes on the pages with critical precision, Shuichi just knew that he'd realized by now that no work had been done. "I brought you a gift downstairs."

"A gift, K, what's the occasion," Shuichi asked pushing at his blankets to reveal black shorts and a lemon yellow t-shirt. Yawning, he scratched the top of his hair as he slid out of bed. "What time is it?"

"Seven o'clock in the morning. My presence must have disturbed your sleep," K replied helpfully. "Her name is Teresa, she's very good at helping people focus on the task at hand. She'll be staying here with you until the album is fully completed."

"A babysitter," Shuichi groaned. "I thought you wanted me to happy."

"I do," K replied. "That is why I'm warning you now, that Yuki-san will be arriving here in the afternoon. Tohma gave him the address. I have to say that was surprising, I would have thought you'd tell him where your family lives."

"Yuki," Shuichi said in panic. Thoughts of Ryuichi filled his mind and the reaction that seemed to come from Yuki every time he even imagined another man was interested in him. Shaking his head, he turned to K and grabbed at his strong arms. "Please, don't let him come here; I know you can stop that. I'm not ready to see him."

"It's the only way you'll get to work," K replied quietly. Closing the note book he held it out and Shuichi stared at it with wide eyes. "There is nothing we can use in here. Yuki is the reason you've been writing so differently lately. I need you to tap in to that pool of emotion you have tied to him. He is coming."

"You can't do this to me," Shuichi said shaking his head. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Don't you think it's time to stop running?" K asked then. "Ever since you two started fighting, you've been running away from the problem instead of facing it. It's time to face your demons, Shu-chan."

Shrugging Shuichi's hold on him, K got to his feet and laid the notebook on the rumpled king sized bed. Stretching his arms above his head, he smiled at Shuichi.

"On that note, Tohma-san has arranged for your family to go on a cruise for the next couple of weeks. They leave tomorrow morning. It works out very well for your sister since she's finished with her project."

"What about my parents, they can't just drop everything they are doing." Shuichi couldn't believe this was happening. Last night, he'd been so content, the world had felt right. This morning, everything was going to shit very fast. Rubbing at his eyes, he wished he was the type to get drunk first thing in the morning. He didn't want to face Yuki right now.

"Your father and mother have barely used up the vacation time due them in the past couple of years. Boss talked to their superiors and they are free to go for the duration of the cruise. Can you really begrudge them time off?"

"He is using me to fix his precious Eiri," Shuichi complained. "This has nothing to do with my family's happiness but everything to do with the Uesugi happiness."

"Don't be so bitter," K said with a fast grin. Turning, he headed for the door. "Take a shower, I'll be back to get you in thirty minutes if you don't come down."

He slammed the door closed and Shuichi was left standing in the middle of his bedroom filling like the world was coming down on him hard.

* * *

Yuki chewed at his nicotine gum furiously wishing that he had the actual nicotine stick. He also wished that he was the one driving instead of the infernal driver Mika had insisted he needed. Damn Tohma and Mika, when they decided to interfere in people's lives they really went all out. Mika had actually gotten his doctor to order him to take a rest. He was not to work on any books for the duration of two months and a half. No stress, that old bastard had said, you'll die of ulcers if you don't do as I say.

Mika had taken one look at that letter and gone berserk. Usually, she only had to glare at him to get Tohma moving, but actually losing her mind over that letter and crying. He shook his head and ran a restless hand through his blond hair. Shuichi was to blame for all of this. If he hadn't left, those two wouldn't have felt compelled to spend all the time they had at his house. They wouldn't have needed to go talk to his doctor with him and they certainly wouldn't have managed to send him to some strange estate in Shinjuku to rest.

Shuichi, Yuki sighed. He had been trying not to think of him too much. There was so much that needed explaining between them, but how was he to start. It was embarrassing that the punk knew his past. Embarrassing, he closed his eyes and laid his head back against his head rest, annoying, ridiculous. Shaking his head slowly, he rubbed a hand down his face. None of those words could really define the emotions that filled him when he thought about Shuichi knowing about his past.

_Yuki, I love you._

Those words the punk so easily dropped around at any time of the day or night had brought back memories he wanted to throw away for ever. He'd once loved naively, without thought of what the consequences were. The situation had spiraled out of control and his stupid innocence had cost four people their lives. Eiri Uesugi had disappeared that day, never to be found again. Sadly, he was trying to emerge at the most oddest of times lately.

His youthful memories sometimes snuck up on him, forcing him to drive them out in the only way he knew how. Drinking solved so much, yet, it also had damaged so much. This was stupid; he couldn't sit around in an estate idly doing nothing. The first chance he got, he was going to get a laptop and get to work. His mind was going to turn against him if he sat around thinking. That bastard of a doctor would have more issues than ulcers to deal with if they kept him away from his writing.

The car turned into a drive with a very high gate and security guards. The driver stopped the car and rolled down his window. He handed over a red pass that got the gates opening in an instant. And then they were driving up a splendid drive that showed off manicured lawns and gardens. A three story mansion came into view a few minutes later. A white washed piece of modern architecture build in the English style. The driver stopped at the main entrance doors, and came to open the door for Yuki.

Tohma was really one for owning real estate, Yuki mused as he walked up the stairs to the heavy front door. The door opened before he could knock to reveal Rico, Shuichi's driver. Tall, big muscles, scowl on a very serious face, and the bald head. How could he ever forget the man?

"Afternoon, Yuki-san," Rico greeted him. "Shuichi is working with K and Teresa in the basement studio. But Shuichi's parents are in the kitchen, we can go meet them."

"Shuichi's parents," Yuki asked with a frown. What was this? That Tohma and his manipulation, he'd tricked him. As if on cue, his cell phone buzzed and he answered it without glancing at the caller ID. "This is low, even for you."

"It's what you need, and since you won't get it yourself, I decided to get it done for you," Tohma replied. "Your driver is leaving, and Rico will take your cell phone, so stay there and rest, Eiri."

Tohma hang up and to Yuki's surprise, Rico took the cell phone like he was taking a cup away from a baby. There was no struggle to be given, he frowned. This was starting to feel like he was being thrown into the deep end. Removing his coat, he handed it to Rico and was about to head straight for the living room couches that he could see from the foyer when a door opened and a short woman with long black hair appeared.

"Oh my," she exclaimed when she saw him. Dressed in a red polka dot dress that stopped right above her knee, a pink sweater over the dress, she seemed harmless enough. Even the smile that appeared on a pretty face was gentle and welcoming. "Yuki Eiri, I finally get to meet you after all this time."

Yuki froze at her warm tone suddenly unable to move as she walked right up to him and reached up to hug him tightly. She smelled of summer and daisies, warm pastries and coffee. The scents filled his head so potently, he felt lost.

"I've heard so much about you," she continued. Pulling back gently, she patted his jaw and smiled. "Shuichi can ramble on for days if he was let just talking about you, Eiri-san. Oh, but where are my manners. I haven't even introduced myself."

She took a step back but retained her hold on his arm. With that dazzling smile of hers, she bowed.

"My name is Sayuri Shindou. I am Shuichi's mother. Welcome to our home, Eiri-san. Please, treat it as your own as well."

"Yuki Eiri," he answered her lamely. "Thank you for having me."

"Well, come on. The weather is changing so fast, I'm sure you're chilled by this autumn weather we seem to be having. I have fresh coffee in the kitchen. My husband will be thrilled to meet you."

"Will he?" Yuki asked. This was interesting; he should have known that Shuichi's family would be as enthusiastic as him. He'd never realized more people could exist who were like Shuichi. Sayuri gave him no choice about the matter. She clung to his arm and led him toward the kitchen as she kept up her tirade.

"When your brother in-law called to tell me you were coming, I was so excited to finally meet you. We haven't gotten a chance to know you since you and Shuichi got together. He is always so busy with his tours and concerts. It didn't seem right to just badge in. But, now you all have this time off, I couldn't deny Tohma-san's request to let you come and stay with Shuichi. He has been really down lately."

Pushing the kitchen door open, she led him to an island table where a man in his forties sat dressed in a black suit his head buried behind a newspaper. He looked up when they walked in and when Sayuri had urged Yuki to sit in a high stool at the Island table, he smiled.

"She's pushy isn't she," the man said in greeting. "I'm Kaito Shindou, Shuichi's father. It is very nice to meet you, Eiri-san."

"The pleasure is mine," Yuki said politely, accepting the cup of coffee Sayuri put before him. Lifting it up to his lips, he sipped at it and had to stop the moan of appreciation that rose up. It was the best coffee he'd ever tasted in his life. "This coffee is really good," he complimented.

"My wife knows the secret to great coffee," Kaito praised smiling at his wife lovingly.

"Of course, I do," Sayuri said opening the refrigerator.

She pulled out the makings of a sandwich and got to work. As she made up a cheese sandwich with lettuce and tomatoes, she kept up an easy conversation including him in it. Before he knew it, they were chatting easily, he was eating while Kaito regaled him with tales of his two children and their younger years.

He was sipping the last of his coffee when the door swung open and a disheveled Shuichi walked in talking a mile a minute. He walked to the refrigerator flinging the door open.

"Mum, I don't want to work with that woman anymore. She is a pain in the ass. She thinks she knows everything about my life. Who does she think she is? Jeez, what does she know about my relationship with Yuki. Just because she's been reading the tabloids-

"Shu-chan," Sayuri said gently when Shuichi straightened up holding a bottle of apple juice. "We have a visitor; you want to tone it down a bit."

Shuichi who'd tilted his head back to drink his juice stopped the action, and really glanced at the Island table. Yuki had to hide a grin when those beautiful amethyst eyes bulged in shock. Seriously, the kid lived like he was in some sort of anime or something. He was glad to see that the yelling wasn't exclusive to their penthouse.

"Eiri-san arrived a while ago, aren't you going to say hello?" Kaito urged.

Shuichi stood still for a few minutes and then to everyone's surprise, he turned and left the room very fast. Yuki stared after him, but the gasp Sayuri gave had him looking back at her in surprise. She was staring at him with shock. Frowning, he wondered whether he'd spilled his coffee on his shirt, but then she moved and came around to his side.

Hugging him tightly, she pressed a kiss on top of his head and murmured. "It's going to be alright."

What the hell was she going on about? She was as strange as Shuichi and she was trying to cut off his air supply with the tight hold she had on him. Reaching up to try and ease the slender arms that were wrapped around his shoulders, he froze when she said. "He didn't mean to hurt you; it's just that he's hurting too. You just need some time alone and that's exactly what we're going to give you."

"Time," Yuki frowned when she pulled back and pushed at his bangs. She wiped at her eyes and he was sure he saw a trace of tears.

"Yes," Kaito offered to explain as Sayuri walked over to the sink and turned on the water. "We're going for a cruise from tomorrow. You and Shuichi will have the house to yourselves. You can use that time to sort your problems."

Yuki stared at Shuichi's father in surprise, and the fact that he was being so cordial, so willing to give his son time to sort his love problems. Shaking his head, he wiped a hand down his face. These people were so innocent. He might love Shuichi, but this wasn't right. He was a monster, who didn't deserve to be a part of this family. Standing up, he gave them a nod and left the kitchen. Walking blindly down the corridor, he turned into the first room he could find. Closing the door behind him, he let out a soft sigh and glanced around the room. It was parlor, all bright and sunshiny, yellow paint on the walls, bright furniture. And then the slender short figure, dressed all in black standing by the terrace windows, Shuichi stood his palms braced against the glass, crying like it was the end of the world.

Walking toward him, Yuki couldn't help pulling him into a tight hug. Inhaling the scent of strawberry shampoo that Shuichi was partial to, he buried his face into Shuichi's neck and let out a soft sigh when Shuichi wrapped his arms around his waist and squeezed tight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: - Gravitation is not mine, sadly. It belongs to Maki Murakami.**

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

"I didn't know what Tohma was planning," Yuki said quietly after a while. Shuichi was clinging to him tightly and his sobs had subsided to an occasional sniffle, but his body was still trembling. Rubbing his arms over Shuichi's back to calm him down, Yuki closed his eyes. "I wouldn't have intruded if I knew. I'll leave right away."

"I don't want you to leave." Shuichi clung tighter to him, his fingers bunching his suit jacket. "I can't-, please don't leave, just stay. I know you don't want to be here, but-, I miss you so much. I didn't know how much until I walked into that kitchen and there you were. What's wrong with me?'

"Are you asking me?" Yuki asked with a short laugh. The sound of it foreign even to him it didn't register. Rubbing his nose against the fabric on Shuichi's shoulder he kept rubbing his palm up and down Shuichi's back. "You left me alone for three weeks."

"You left me eight months ago," Shuichi replied quietly. "I've been alone since the day you decided not to tell me about your past, Yuki. I'm really lost right now. I love you, but I don't know what to do to make you understand that. I'm afraid you're thinking I love that awful man who hurt you, but, that's not true. I love _you_. I love you, Eiri."

"Baby," Yuki sighed holding him tighter. He pressed a kiss to the top of Shuichi's head. "You're so dramatic sometimes."

"Dramatic," Shuichi said shaking Yuki a bit. "I have to be when you keep not telling me things. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to fight; I just want you to promise to talk to me. Please."

Yuki sighed and rocked Shuichi back and forth, just enjoying his warmth. Being around Shuichi's parents, he was starting to see where Shuichi got his warmth from. There was no way he would lack the energy required to give all that affection to people after the amount he received from Sayuri. It was to be expected. That warmth seeped into him warming his cold heart, thawing it.

He suddenly realized that his arm was spanning Shuichi's entire body. The punk was getting too skinny, he wasn't eating enough. Pulling back a bit, he looked into Shuichi's face. His eyes were still wet with the tears he'd been crying. They were clear as ever, as they looked up to him with such trust. It was undoing him.

"Are you eating enough?" Yuki asked him quietly.

"I'm doing fine," Shuichi answered with a shrug. "What about you? I hope you're eating before you take your meds. That doctor of yours is very scary when he puts his mind to it."

"I know," Yuki sighed under his breath. "He ordered me to take a rest, hence, Tohma's manipulations and my ending up here. How come you didn't tell me about this place?"

Shuichi reached up to rub at Yuki's jaw, touching the five o'clock shadow he could see there. He usually had to shave in the evening so that he didn't hurt Shuichi later. He wasn't sure he should today. He wanted to; he missed Shuichi in more ways than one. The punk seemed to be the only person he could get it up with and he hadn't had relief in a while.

"I got it long before we met; some reporters were invading our house in the city, so I decided to get this place for them. It took a lot of begging to get my parents to move. They are very proud."

"They are different," Yuki offered. "I like them."

"My mother will make you eat more than possible tonight, so just be polite. My father will discuss politics with you after dinner, I know he might bore you, but-

"I don't mind it," Yuki said quietly. He didn't because he had never been around parents like them. His own father was a hard ass who wanted things to go how he wanted them. No one's opinion mattered to him but his own. Talking with Kaito was different. He liked it. "Shuichi, I want to-,"

"Don't," Shuichi stopped him. "Don't rush it; let's just concentrate on getting you better. I'm sorry I haven't been around to take care of you. But, now, we'll fight this."

"They are just ulcers," Yuki pointed out since Shuichi was talking like he had some sort of cancer.

"Ulcers, cold, whatever, and it won't hurt you anymore when I'm around. Come on, I'll show you to your room. You can refresh yourself, get some sleep, and then we'll get some dinner."

"You're separating us?" Yuki asked with a frown. Now that he had the punk in such close proximity, the idea of being away from him was too much. He wanted Shuichi beside him in his bed. Writhing and moaning if possible.

"We're in my parents' house," Shuichi said his cheeks flushing deep red. No doubt he'd guessed why he wanted them in one room. Smiling, Yuki leaned down and pressed his lips to Shuichi's without giving him an answer. He didn't care where they were. They could have been at a temple or shrine; he'd still want Shuichi's hot little body.

"It's been a really long time," Yuki moaned into Shuichi's ear before he trailed his kisses up and down Shuichi's neck. "I need you, Shu-chan."

"I'm sure," Shuichi panted, his fingers moving up Yuki's arms to bunch at the fabric on his shoulders. He lifted up on his toes and let out a sigh when Yuki captured his lips again. They kissed for a while, lost in each other and the sensation of being close. Sinking his fingers into Shuichi's hair, Yuki couldn't help crushing the willing slender body into him. Holding him like there was no tomorrow and all he had was this moment.

"We have to stop," Shuichi said at one point when Yuki pressed him against the terrace doors and his arms were moving under the black t-shirt Shuichi was wearing. "Some one might walk in on us."

"I think they all know what we'd be up to," Yuki replied, nibbling at Shuichi's ear. When had he gotten insatiable? He wanted to devour Shuichi, meld their bodies deeply until there was no mistaking that they were one. "I want you."

"Stop it," Shuichi said pulling away with a sigh. He pushed Yuki away keeping him at arm's length.

Yuki couldn't help noticing the swollen lips and the way Shuichi was taking in deep breaths. He was glad to see that he wasn't the only one who was needy. "Why should I stop? I don't think I can keep my hands off you."

"We might be together, but we still have a lot of things to sort out," Shuichi panted out. " You don't need to be stressed out."

"If I don't have you, I'll be stressed," Yuki said disentangling his hands from Shuichi's. He reached up and stroked at Shuichi's jaw. "Being with you relaxes me."

"You're such a player," Shuichi said leaning into the touch. Shaking his head, he sidestepped and moved away from the terrace doors. He stopped in the middle of the room and ran a trembling hand through his hair. "Come on; let's get you settled first before we think about your other needs."

* * *

Eiri, Shuichi thought with elation, the name was finally clicking. He loved Eiri 'Yuki' Uesugi. And being this close to the man was driving him crazy. Shaking, Shuichi sank into an arm chair and kept his gaze firmly on Yuki who was standing a few feet away looking at him with accusation. Some things just didn't change, he thought with a smile. His insatiable lover was going to have a hard couple of weeks. He'd made a decision the moment Yuki had pulled him into his arms. They weren't going to be together without talking first.

No matter what, he was going to get Yuki to confess to him. Looking away from him, Shuichi took in a deep breath and plunged into the abyss.

"Ryuichi is staying here as well," he said quietly. "He's been here for the last three weeks. I need you to be okay with that."

"What," Yuki asked with narrowed eyes. "All this time, you've been holed up here with that pervert?"

"He's my friend," Shuichi said quietly. He needed Ryuichi around, otherwise he was going to fall back into Yuki's arms and be happy about it when he shouldn't. Gripping the armrests tightly, he strengthened his resolve. "He stays, I want him here."

Yuki glared at him but Shuichi ignored it. Getting up on his feet, he headed for the door. Wiping his eyes, trying to return his face back to normal, he reached for a tissue from a box on the side table by the door. Wiping at his eyes, he took in a deep breath and pulled the door open.

"Come on, Yuki," he called as he hurried down the hall, headed for the main staircase that was off the living room. He didn't want anyone to see him this way. He was always losing control around Yuki. Risking a glance back to see if Yuki was following him, he had to grab at the balustrade when he tripped.

Yuki reached out and grabbed him by the arm steadying him. "Careful, we don't want to ruin that face of yours."

Heat seeped into his body from the simple hold on his arm, and he couldn't help the quick intake of air to calm his nerves. Lust was such a slave driver some times. Yuki wasn't the only one who was starving for it, he thought with a frown. He couldn't remember the last time they'd been together. Turning to look at his lover, he caught that knowing golden gaze and gasped. Damn bastard knew exactly what he was thinking. Pulling his arm away from Yuki, he started up the stairs.

They were in the second floor in minutes; Shuichi walked to the door across his room and opened it. He didn't dare go in, so he stopped right at the entrance and waved Yuki in.

"This is your room, if you need anything, just tell me or Rico. Your bathroom is stocked, and dinner is in the dining room at around eight o'clock. You're free to wander around the house if you like, there are no restricted areas."

"Does that mean I can come into your room?" Yuki asked his arms crossed against his chest.

Shuichi glared at him. "No, it doesn't. I have to go back to the studio, before they think I ran away. Do what you want until dinner."

Turning back to the corridor, he walked as fast as he could. Tohma was such an evil being. How could he do this to him? It was hard enough thinking about Yuki. Having him here was going to make it almost impossible to concentrate on anything. Shaking his head, Shuichi paused in the middle of the stair case. Well, at least now he would know how the man was and if he was taking care of himself. Those ulcers would be healed; he needed to talk to his mother about that before she left. She made the best remedies when it came to health. Damn, that man and those beautiful cold eyes, one look into them and he was ready to lay it all down.

Letting out a small breath, he continued down the stairs and headed on down the next flight to the basement. His family had turned the basement into a studio for him, just incase he ever came home and needed to work. The décor was far from the one Tohma chose to have at NG. Warm and bright colors, comfortable couches spotted the sitting area of the studio, the recording room was sound proofed and all kinds of instruments were laid out for their use. Walking in to the area, Shuichi saw that K and Teresa, Tohma's new henchwoman, were busy arguing about how to get him to write.

Ignoring them, Shuichi walked to the work table and took his seat again, grabbing a pen, he got to work. Suddenly his head was filling with all kinds of words; it was hard to keep up. He just needed to write them out and then he would take the time to sort it out later. Hope was filling his heart so rapidly, but he was so afraid of what would happen tomorrow. Yuki was always so unpredictable. It was hard to really understand what the man was feeling at any one point in time. Before, just being around him would have been enough, but now, he stared at the paper. He wanted the proof. After all the fights and screaming matches, he wanted proof that they were meant to be together.

* * *

Maiko stood at the door to Yuki's room for a moment. She'd been debating what to do for the past thirty minutes, and now that she was standing right outside his room, things were starting to clear up. The moment she'd come home from school to find that he had arrived; she'd known she was going to do this. What to say had been the main problem.

Her brother was like a hero to her. He might be skinny, short, prettier than her and some times stupid, but he was still her hero. He wasn't afraid to be his true self. He had followed his dreams and succeeded, most people hardly ever got such a chance. It inspired her to do the same with her own dreams. The best part of Shuichi though, wasn't his determination to follow through with his dreams, it was his unending love and loyalty to those people who mattered to him, his parents, her, Hiro and Suguru, most of all to Eiri Yuki. It pissed her off that the man was taking that love for granted and causing her brother pain. She'd seen that pain on more than one occasion when he thought she wasn't looking. It didn't sit well with her, and she wasn't going to let it keep going.

She raised her hand to knock on the door, and gasped when her hand was gripped gently. The motion was stopped and she turned to stare at Ryuichi Sakuma.

"What are you doing," she demanded. She admired Ryuichi, but right now, she might just hit him. He was so much like Shuichi; they might as well have been twins.

"I should ask you that question," Ryuichi said quietly. Pulling her away from the door, he narrowed his gaze at her. "Are you going to give him a talk? Won't Shuichi be angry with you?"

"He won't know about it," Maiko said quietly, glaring at the older man. "Besides, I suspect you want to do the same. You know why Shuichi left their penthouse, don't you? Are you going to sit around and wait for them to get back together? Won't things end up being worse that way?"

"Meddling is not my style," Ryuichi said, letting go of her arm and leaning against the wall.

"Yeah right," Maiko rolled her eyes at him. "What have you been doing distracting Shuichi these past three weeks? Don't you think I noticed?"

Ryuichi shrugged. "I was having some fun. It's been a while since I've done it. I'm always working you know."

"Ha," Maiko scoffed. "Keep kidding yourself as much as you want, but don't include me. I'm going in there."

Turning away from the hot sex god, she walked back to the door and was going to knock when he beat her to the action. He knocked with authority, his gaze hard as he kept it fixed on the wooden white door. Hiding a smile, Maiko turned to face Yuki as the door opened abruptly.

Eiri Yuki was a forbidding sight, was the first thought that filled her mind. His height, that golden gaze and the expression on his face, he was frightening, she thought with a shiver. She probably would have changed her mind had Ryuichi not grinned and greeted Yuki in that ridiculous persona he used sometimes.

"Yuki-san," Ryuichi said cheerfully. "I heard you were here, can we visit you for a moment. Maiko wants to ask you a favor and I told her you'd agree, won't you, Yuki-san."

Yuki blinked and Ryuichi pushed Maiko in to the room without waiting for an answer. His action forced Yuki to step aside and let them in to the guest room. She was familiar with the room since her friends had stayed over millions of times. The navy blue furniture in the living area was inviting, and her mother had placed a bouquet of flowers on the coffee table there. A black suit coat was slung over the nearest arm chair, and Maiko avoided it as she moved to the couch to have a sit. Her gaze returned to Yuki who had closed the door and was now moving to stand by the arm chair, his gaze fixed on Ryuichi.

"What a nice view," Ryuichi said having gone to stand by the floor length windows that showed off the front lawn. "I should have chosen this room. Don't you think so Maiko-chan instead of the one next to Shu-chan?"

"What did you say," Yuki said with a narrowed gaze.

"Are you jealous, Yuki-san?" Ryuichi turned to wink at him.

The glint Maiko saw in Yuki's golden eyes had her cutting in. "This room is right across Shuichi's as well."

Yuki relaxed and she sent a warning glance to Ryuichi whose shoulders were shaking with humor. Damn the man, he knew which buttons to push and they really weren't the right ones. Yuki might fight with Shuichi, but he also did love her brother. That was apparent from the glare he sent Ryuichi's back.

"Yuki-san, I got your book the other day. I read it in one night," Maiko said cordially. "It's the best yet, would you mind autographing it for me?"

Yuki sat down in the arm chair and nodded at her once. Getting his suit coat from the back of the chair, he rummaged in the pocket and pulled out a stick of gum. The nicotine type, she noted.

"That's great," Maiko pushed on. "Since we're leaving tomorrow, I didn't want to risk the chance of waiting 'til after. I might not find you here. My brother says the new album might get him busy towards the end. Any way, this works out as well; I'll bring the book with me to dinner."

"Yuki-san," Ryuichi said then, still staring out the windows. "How much do you care about Shuichi?"

Yuki popped the gum into his mouth and kept his gaze on her. His eyes narrowed at the question, but he didn't answer. She was suddenly sure that he knew why they'd come to see him.

"You see, I've been asking that question for some time now," Ryuichi continued when Yuki didn't answer him. "I think, 'wow, how can Yuki allow Shu-chan to keep walking out this way without doing something', is it even possible if you loved him?"

"How is it your business?" Yuki asked with a flat tone. Maiko held his gaze well aware that he understood his answers mattered to her. "Shouldn't you be promoting your new movie, Ryuichi? Your boss must be frustrated with you right now."

"The movie can wait," Ryuichi replied. "Shuichi can't. He matters more to me, I thought I told you that once before."

"Well, what are you doing not being around him then," Yuki asked leaning back in the arm chair. He crossed one leg over the other and sighed. "I don't have time for your quizzes, Ryuichi. Just get to the point of this."

Ryuichi turned his hands clenched as if ready to battle, and Maiko spoke up to deter whatever angry words he was about to say. The current in the room was getting very negative and the feel of it was making her skin prickle.

"The point is, Yuki-san that my brother's happiness matters to all of us. It is so deeply tied in with you, that I can't help but make an appeal. Will you hear me out?"

Yuki frowned. "What do you want to say?"

"If you love him, even a little, you'll stop causing him pain," Maiko said quietly. "I've watched him when he thinks no one is aware. You're all he thinks about, and the expression on his face isn't any I'd wish on anyone. I ask you, please, take that pain away."

Yuki stared at her for a moment before he looked away and shook his head. "I might not know how."

"Find a way," Ryuichi said. "I assure you if you don't, I'll carry out my threat, Yuki. You won't like it very much, because I'll do it swiftly and so absolute you won't get another chance to win him back. Don't forget that."

Maiko swept her gaze to Ryuichi in surprise, she'd never imagined that he harbored such feelings for her brother but listening to him-, looks like there was a lot about her brother's life she didn't understand. Shaking her head, she stood up and smiled at Yuki.

"You're the one who matters to him, right now," she said quietly. "I just want to see him smile more freely. Forgive our intrusion; I hope you'll still sign my book for me. I do so enjoy reading your work."

Walking to Ryuichi, she clutched his arm tightly and started pulling him out of the room. Giving Yuki a quick bow, she led Ryuichi out of the guest room and once the door was closed, she dragged him into Shuichi's right across and slammed the door closed. Letting out a relieved sigh, she turned to Ryuichi and swatted at his arm.

"What the hell were you saying in there?" she chastised gently. "We were trying to fix them not start world war three."

"What if I don't want to fix them," Ryuichi asked moving to the couch in Shuichi's room. He fell back into it and grabbed a pillow which he pushed under his handsome head and crossed his arms against his chest. "World war three might start anyway, I do care about your brother, Maiko-chan, much more than I should."

"You'll get your heart broken," Maiko replied moving around her brother's living area. She picked up a guitar pick from a side table and studied it. The bad luck insignia on it was familiar, Shuichi liked to keep his band mates stuff around. Hiro's signature was printed on the pick. "Shu-chan loves Yuki and you know that."

"Yes, but he also loves me," Ryuichi replied with a slight sigh. "He might not know it, but I do. I've seen it. I can take care of him. I've done it before, so I'm not worried."

"Really," Maiko said replacing the guitar pick on the table. Turning around, she stretched her arms above her head and yawned. "Well, all I want is my brother to be happy. If that can be achieved, I don't really have a preference."

"I'm glad," Ryuichi said quietly.

Maiko glanced at him for a moment. Moving to sit on the couch he was in, she lifted his legs and placed them on her lap with a small pat. "The question is, Ryu-chan, what will you do if Yuki is the only thing that can make my brother happy? Shouldn't you guard your heart as well?"

"Why," Ryuichi asked looking at her with smiling eyes. "I have you to do that for me don't I, Maiko-chan."

* * *

Hey, thanks for catching the confusion with Maiko and Miaka last time, that was greatly appreciated. Wonder what Ryuichi is up to now, huh, catch it next time. I love writing for you guys, the comments make it so worth it. Cheers, Elly


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: - I don't own gravitation. Maki Murakami does.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

Shuichi sat at the island table in the kitchen two days after his parents and sister left for their cruise eating a sandwich while Ryuichi leaned on the sink counter telling him jokes. They had just spent the morning working in the studio together, and so far he had one song finished and they had sent it to Hiro and Suguru to get the music done. K had urged them to come up for some fresh air and lunch while he talked to Hiro and Suguru. Teresa, the blonde woman who he was learning to like was seated beside him sipping at her green tea.

"I have a joke for you, Tessa-chan," Ryuichi said with a grin. He'd been telling them to her all morning. "Do you want to hear it?"

"As long as it's funny," Teresa replied.

"They are always funny," Shuichi said with a grin at her. "Make it a good one Ryu-chan."

"Alright, deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate and said, "Dear, I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

"That is so sad," Teresa said holding back a grin, while Shuichi chuckled. "It's funny, but really sad, Ryuichi."

"Oh yeah, how about this one," Ryuichi said. "One day two ladies met up for a spot of lunch, one of the ladies said to the other, "Did you come on the bus?" The other lady replied. "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

Teresa spit out her tea as she burst out laughing. Shuichi shook his head as he reached over to rub her back as the tea started choking her as well. He had heard that joke once before, Ryuichi always pulled it out when he was trying to impress people.

"How was that one," Ryuichi asked with a nonchalant smile. Shuichi couldn't help bursting into laughter at the 'cat caught the canary' expression on his face. He was such a goof.

"What's with the idiocy," Yuki said into the room as he walked in and headed straight for the coffee pot.

Teresa got a hold of her breath and nodded toward Ryuichi. "He just made the funniest joke, I can't get over it."

"It's hard to imagine," Yuki said getting a mug from the cupboard above the coffee maker.

Shuichi got off his stool and went to stand beside Yuki. The past two days felt like a blur to him. K and Teresa kept him so busy; he barely had time to pay attention to Yuki. Half the time, he didn't want to think that the man was in the same house prowling around, and the other half of the time, he was thinking up ways of understanding what was in the man's head.

"Should you be drinking coffee, Eiri?" Shuichi asked quietly. "Your ulcers, they are not healed yet."

"I'll be fine," Yuki replied just as quietly. Reaching for the creamers in a jar, his hand brushed Shuichi's and they both froze. "Do you have time this afternoon?"

The touch of those fingers, Shuichi closed his eyes, and took in the shiver that ran down his back. "I- uh, I -," sneaking a glance back at Teresa and Ryuichi, he frowned when he realized that they were no longer in the room. "Sure, I have time, why?"

"I want to show you something," Yuki said. He picked up his coffee cup and sipped it. Turning around, he didn't act surprised when he found that Teresa and Ryuichi were gone. Instead he leaned on the counter and continued drinking his coffee. "How is the song writing coming along?"

"Not," Shuichi answered. "I have one song finished, a million more to go."

"With your lyric writing capabilities, it shouldn't be that hard," Yuki said glancing down at him. Shuichi caught the smile in his eyes and stopped the retort he was about to return. It seemed as though Yuki was actually trying to make a joke. Shaking his head, Shuichi leaned against the counter too, his arm brushing Yuki's. It felt really good to just be with him like this.

"Where are we going?" Shuichi asked wondering what Yuki wanted to show him. It was rare for them to go out together in the last few months. In fact, even K had stopped scheduling events that required both of them to be present at the same time. Probably afraid of a war breaking out, running a hand through his bangs, Shuichi snuck another glance at Yuki.

"Be patient," Yuki said. He sipped his coffee and pushed off the counter. "Meet me at the front door at two o'clock, alright."

Glancing at the clock on the all, Shuichi realized that it was only one o'clock. He had an hour to get ready for whatever outing his lover was planning. Glancing down at his clothes he frowned. An old t-shirt and sweat pants definitely warranted a change. Shrugging, he nodded to Yuki and watched him leave the room.

* * *

An hour later, Shuichi sat in the back of the black Mercedes Rico used with Yuki seated beside him chewing furiously on gum. He was glad to see that the man was keeping his promise. It was a very good sign, he thought with a hidden smile. Somewhere inside the stranger seated beside him, his Yuki still existed.

"If you keep staring at me, I'm going to kiss you senseless," Yuki said his gaze still fixed on the window on his side.

Shuichi blushed and shook his head. "I wouldn't mind it."

"That's new," Yuki said. "You're so prim some times; it's hard to keep up."

Right now he wouldn't care if Yuki was to strip him and take him in the back of this car. That was how much he needed him. To feel the man's touch again, to want him and need him close. Being a part of Yuki was a kin to breathing. Dropping his gaze to his lap, he clenched them tight at the urge to throw his arms around his lover.

* * *

Yuki didn't miss the sad expression on Shuichi's face before he looked down. Those elegant fingers were clenched tightly, fighting for control. Swallowing hard, he reached out and took them in his own. Holding them gently, he kept his gaze staring out the window. He wasn't sure what he was going to get out of this afternoon, but he was going to try his best. Besides, that Ryuichi was going to be a thorn on his side if he didn't stake his claim and keep a firm hold on it.

The car turned suddenly and he realized that they were almost to their destination. It had been easy to get Rico on his side; the man seemed to worship the ground Shuichi walked on. Anything to get the little punk's spirits up received a high mark. Meeting the man's gaze in the rearview mirror, he gave him a small nod as the car drove up to a tea house.

Rico parked at the entrance and came around to open the door for Shuichi. Yuki followed him out and gave Rico another short nod. Rico reached into his pocket and handed him a key. Pointing to a gray Mercedes parked in the parking lot, Yuki followed Shuichi into the reception area. They were met by a pleasant woman who led them to the room he'd reserved for them.

"Wow," Shuichi exclaimed as they walked through the halls. The décor was traditional Japanese. The floors made up of _tatami_ mats, flower arrangements and screen walls with beautiful drawings. "I didn't know a place like this was so close."

"It does," Yuki said quietly. "Actually, Ms. Tsunade rents it for a couple of hours to guests who want some peaceful time. We have it until tomorrow morning."

"The whole place," Shuichi asked in shock.

"Yes," Yuki answered as they were led into a bright room. Tea was already laid out on a short table. The screen doors open on the veranda side to show off a beautiful Zen garden. Shuichi stared at the sight in surprise and Yuki took the time to talk to the woman who waited back at the door. Handing her his credit card, he took the red card she handed him. Slipping it into his pockets, he watched as she closed the door before he turned back to find Shuichi seated on one of the cushions already pouring the tea.

Moving to sit across him, Yuki marveled at easy way he was doing it. Those slender fingers holding the tea pot delicately, he placed the pot on its resting mat before he slid Yuki's cup over. He was careful about it. No doubt wary that he might spill the contents. Thinking of the disasters he'd seen in their kitchen at home, Yuki appreciated the care Shuichi was taking. It was hard to understand what usually went wrong with him in the kitchen. From burning frying pans, broken plates and cups, overflowing dishwasher, spilled noodles on the floor, he shuddered. Too many disasters, he thought.

"This place is beautiful, Eiri," Shuichi said quietly.

"Is there a reason you've taken to calling me by first name?" Yuki asked. He'd noted the change and as great as it was, the reasons for Shuichi doing it were unsettling.

"I-," Shuichi started but he stopped. Staring at his tea, he shrugged. "It's a good name. Besides, you call me Shuichi, so I figured I should call you Eiri."

"And it has nothing to do with the truth of my past?" Yuki asked quietly.

Shuichi glanced up quickly, his eyes wide with shock. He gulped for a moment, before his hands dropped away from his tea cup and down to his lap. "I'm sorry."

"What for," Yuki asked sipping at his tea. "There is nothing you can do to change my past. It happened, we move on."

"Don't brush it off so easily," Shuichi said his eyes flashing with anger. "Hiding it from me has caused so much pain already, don't you think it is a big deal after all."

"I need you to let it go," Yuki said then, holding his gaze. "I want you to forget that story Mika told you, because that's best for you and me."

Shuichi stared at him, before he pushed off the table and got to his feet. Walking to the open screen doors, he stood there for a moment trembling as though caught in some sort of storm. When he didn't move again, Yuki sighed and rubbed his eyes. He'd hoped that it would end like that. It would be so much easier that way. Letting another sigh escape, he got to his feet too and walked over to where Shuichi stood. Placing his hands on the trembling shoulders, he turned Shuichi around and drew him in to a tight hug.

"Shuichi," Yuki said into the slender shoulder. "I want you to forget that story because having two of us with those memories is not what I want. They are mine to carry, my burden, Shuichi. I need you happy."

Shuichi's arms moved around his waist and then they squeezed tightly. "I can't help carrying them as well. That man who hurt you, Eiri, I can't help but want to protect you. I can't call you Yuki anymore, because that name belongs to that bastard who hurt you. I know it causes you pain to hear me say it."

"Shuichi," Yuki said in shock. He'd never thought that Shuichi would think it through this far.

"Those ulcers you're getting," Shuichi continued. "I'm the one causing them. You're thinking about that man, and what happened to him. The only explanation is because I keep calling you Yuki. I won't be the reason you hurt. I can't bear it. I won't."

"Shuichi," Yuki gasped. His eyes stinging with tears, it surprised the hell out of him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried. Shaking as the sobs filled him, he held on tightly to Shuichi. Closing his eyes, the tears fell down his face as Shuichi did his best to hold him up.

Shuichi held on as he cried, running a hand down his back soothingly. The number of times he had yelled at him came back and the pain of those moments filled his heart. He couldn't forgive himself for the pain he'd caused Shuichi. There hadn't been a reason for it. At some point they sank to the carpeted floor and Shuichi sat cradling his head on his shoulder. The sobs subsided and for the first time in months, Yuki took in a deep breath without feeling guilty.

"Eiri," Shuichi said with a soothing voice. "I have never seen you cry. Are you sure you're okay? You're not hurting somewhere are you?"

"I'm fine," Yuki said quietly. This was embarrassing enough, reaching into his pocket he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped at his face. Being around Shuichi was bad for his image he decided. Bringing the handkerchief up to his face, he wiped at his eyes and nose. Taking in a deep breath, he pulled back away from Shuichi's shoulder and refrained from meeting inquiring amethyst eyes.

Shuichi ran a hand along his shoulder and then brought it up to his neck. Shuichi's thumb stroked his jaw gently before he came up on his knees to kiss him. It was a sweet gentle kiss that was meant to sooth. Yuki took it allowing the warmth to run through his body filling gaps he didn't know existed.

"Your lips are salty," Shuichi said after a moment. Leaning back, he wiped at the tear tracks with his palm. Biting his bottom lip gently, he sat back on his heels and met Yuki's gaze. "I want you to tell me that story. It was hard for Mika to tell it, and I know it will be even harder for you. But, I need to understand why you chose to use his name."

"Shuichi," Yuki sighed. Folding the handkerchief he was holding, he shook his head. "You don't need to do this."

"I do," Shuichi insisted. "I've lived through the past months, Eiri. I saw what those memories were turning you into. And I don't want to do it again without having a compass to navigate. It was hell, Eiri; because I love you to death, and there were moments I thought I was going crazy because of it."

"So you ran off to a hotel room," Yuki asked with a frown. "Who were you with?"

"You still dare ask me that?" Shuichi snapped poking a finger into Yuki's chest. "I can't believe what you think of me. Why do you always assume the worst?"

Yuki hid a smile at the outburst. Truth was, Shuichi was such an open book, and it wasn't possible for him to have an affair. He knew that. The problem lay in the fact that Shuichi didn't see Ryuichi's intentions. And if he did, he didn't think it a problem. It was driving him nuts, especially after that stupid little telling to that idiot had given him. Shaking his head, he returned his attention back to his little boy toy. "I can't help being jealous, my love. But this story, you can't ask me to tell you, Shuichi. I can't."

"Why not," Shuichi demanded.

"I need time," Yuki replied. "I can't even tell it to my psychiatrist without falling apart. I think I've embarrassed myself enough today, don't you think."

"It's not embarrassing to talk to me," Shuichi said with a small smile. "I'm always telling you things and crying with you."

"You're different," Yuki said thinking about a bout of Shuichi's crying. His lover could be such a drama queen when he chose to be. "I don't think you've ever kept anything inside for too long."

"I tried when we were fighting," Shuichi confessed quietly. "I thought I was going to die from it. I don't think I ever want to do it again."

"I'm sorry," Yuki said matching his tone. "Forgive me, Shuichi for making you leave our home."

* * *

Okay, this man was really trying to make him bawl with all the tears he had been given at creation. Shuichi took in a deep breath to control the lump in his throat. He couldn't believe it. Holding his emotions in, he opted for control since Yuki was obviously having a really emotional day. Instead, he leaned in and hugged him. Kneeling on the carpet, he pressed his body to Yuki and held him as tightly as he could.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. Awesome Maki Murakami does**

**Chapter Nine**

Shuichi swung his chair around a smile playing on his lips as he stared at the ceiling. He'd spent the night in Yuki's arms. Nothing else compared to that feeling. He brought a hand up to touch his lips, closing his eyes at the memory of Yuki kissing him, Yuki making love to him. He let a moan escape at the heat of the memory. Tsunade's tea house was going to be a place he was going to cherish forever.

"Why are you smiling?" Teresa asked him.

Shuichi straightened up in his chair and stared at her with a grin. She wasn't so useless. She had great ideas although she loved meddling into his life. He gave a shrug and picked up the book he used for his lyrics.

"I wrote another song." He hadn't been able to stop the flow of words. The moment Yuki had driven them back to the house he'd gotten a pen and got to work. The song he'd written in the past two hours since he'd returned was definitely going into the album.

Teresa took the book and read the first couple of words. Her brow rose in surprise and she nodded in approval. "The rumor is true."

"What rumor?" Shuichi asked with a frown.

"Eiri Yuki is the source of your music," she said quietly.

Shuichi shrugged and swung his chair from side to side. His lyric writing skills were starting to depend on his happiness. Of late, his happiness meant his relationship with Yuki being well. He stopped swinging his chair and looked at Teresa.

"Do you think something is wrong with me?" he asked.

"Why?" Teresa asked her attention focused on the lyrics he'd written.

"I can't write without him."

"There is nothing wrong with you." Teresa glanced up and gave him a small smile. "Other song writers have weird inspirations that would make you cringe."

"Weird?" Shuichi narrowed his gaze. Was she trying to make fun of him because he couldn't write without Yuki?

"For example, I know a guy who won't write in a clean environment. It has to be a messy, wild room for him to get an ounce of inspiration. People are different. Yuki just happens to be the source of your inspiration."

"It never used to be this way." Shuichi frowned with worry. If he and Yuki ended, would his music just stop? He shuddered.

"Don't panic." Teresa pulled up a chair to sit in front of him. "Shuichi, with or without Yuki, you'll always be able to write your music. It's just that-"

"I write better when he's with me." Shuichi completed her thought. He ran a hand through his hair a frown creasing his forehead. His music was important to him. He needed to be great at music, which meant he had to surpass Ryuichi and Nittle Grasper. He couldn't have Yuki interfering with his music.

"Shu-chan," Teresa said taking his right hand and giving it a small squeeze. "Stop worrying. How about we work on laying down this song so we can send it to Hiro and Suguru?"

* * *

They had lunch together hours later. Ryuichi, Teresa, Yuki and him. Yuki cooked stir-fry rice, grilled chicken and made a fresh fruit salad.

Shuichi sat beside his lover chewing on his food lazily. Yuki added a piece of chicken to his plate and he beamed. A chuckle brought his head up to find Teresa laughing and Ryuichi scowling at them.

"What?" he demanded of Teresa.

"You two are so cute. Yuki-san, the food is very delicious." Teresa took a healthy bite of her rice. "I'm going to miss being this spoilt."

"He's a good cook." Shuichi couldn't help boasting. He chewed on his chicken and looked at Ryuichi. He choked on his food at the anger in Ryuichi's eyes. Yuki patted his back negligently. He took a sip from his glass of water. Where was all the anger coming from he wondered. What had he done to Ryuichi? They hadn't had a fight.

"Are you alright?" Yuki asked quietly.

"I'm fine." He lied staring into his food. He risked another glance at Ryuichi. The older man smiled at him and he returned it shyly. Had he imagined that look?

"Are you heading back to the studio this afternoon?" Yuki asked.

Shuichi glanced at Terry and when she shook her head, he smiled. "I'm free. We already sent the song we were working on to Suguru and Hiro."

"Maybe we can do something together?" Yuki suggested sipping his coffee. "We can go see a movie."

"Do you mean a date?" Shuichi gaped. He couldn't remember the last time they'd gone out on a date. His heart skipped into overdrive and he resisted the urge to cling to Yuki. "I would love to go out with you."

Yuki directed a frown at him for his enthusiastic response. It felt good to see that familiar scowl on Yuki's face. He'd missed seeing this side of Yuki. He welcomed the scowl in place of the dark anger he'd witnessed with drunken Yuki.

He shuddered slightly from his memories. The days he'd lived in that hotel room still haunted him. He stood up ready to clear the table. Yuki grabbed at his right arm. He turned to look at him. "What is it?"

"Finish your food first. You've barely touched it."

Shuichi glanced at his plate and stared at his plate full of rice. He wasn't very hungry. He put his plate back down on the table and stared at the food. "I'm not hungry."

"Well, then we'll be here all afternoon until you eat." Yuki responded with a matter of fact tone.

Yep, Yuki was back. Shuichi rolled his eyes at him and picked up his chopsticks. He took a bite of his food and glanced up to find Ryuichi watching him with that intense look again.

* * *

He caught up with Ryuichi later that evening. The rock star sat in the studio listening to the music he'd written earlier. A frown danced on Ryuichi's forehead as the song ended. He slid into the chair beside Ryuichi and picked up the earphones on the carpet.

"Don't you like it?" Shuichi asked. It was sickening how much he wanted Ryuichi's approval. "Does it need work?"

"It's very good. Better than the song we wrote together." Ryuichi put his earphones down on the carpet and turned to look at him. "What does he have that I don't? I've wanted to ask you that question for a while now. You know I care about you right?"

"What are you saying Ryu?" Shuichi's eyes widened in surprise, he certainly hadn't been expecting this.

"I'm saying I want to take Yuki's place." Ryuichi took his hand and squeezed gently. "I want to be with you."

Shuichi wasn't sure what to say. Before he'd met Yuki, he'd thought about being with Ryuichi. Who wouldn't? He clung to the fingers tangled in his; he stared down at their clasped hands. "Ryu-

"Shuichi," Yuki said from the doorway.

He glanced up guiltily afraid of what Yuki might have heard. It didn't help that Ryuichi refused to let go of his hand. Shuichi stood up his legs a bit shaky. He pulled his hand away from Ryuichi and hurried to Yuki. He took Yuki's arm and pulled him away from the studio.

"What were you talking about with Ryuichi?" Yuki asked.

"Oh, nothing, music," Shuichi said waving his hand. "Did you take your medicine?"

Yuki paused, turning to look back to the studio. "Ryuichi looked upset."

"He's fine." Shuichi urged. "Come on, I think you need to take your medicine. You've forgotten about it."

"You're turning into Mika." Yuki complained as they went up the stairs. "I came down here to see if you're ready for bed."

Shuichi nodded his head spinning with Ryuichi's words. His heart clenched in fear. He pressed a hand to his chest at the thought of losing Ryuichi as a friend. He didn't know if he could bear that.

* * *

_Sorry for the long delay, and a short chapter. Just getting back into the swing of things, promise a wilder ride in the next chapter._


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. Maki Murakami does.**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Two weeks later, Shuichi sat on Yuki's bed a sheet draped over his naked hips. His gaze lingered over Yuki's sleeping form, the sun rays turning Yuki's hair into banished gold. It looked so soft he reached out to touch it. Yuki kept sleeping. He returned his attention back to his notebook. He reread the line he'd written and crossed it out before he tried it again. He reworded what he wanted to say. Yuki shifted beside him, his hand moving over the pillow, long slender fingers sliding over the white fabric.

Shuichi stared at that hand for a moment. His thoughts filled with Yuki and making love with him through the night, each time more intense than the last, he sighed. His heart squeezed tightly. Gods, he loved Yuki so much. Two weeks of being with Yuki and he was right back to being a clinging fool. Yuki was his illegal substance. He was addicted to the man. He sighed. He wasn't any closer to thinking of him as Eiri.

His phone buzzed on the bedside table. He glanced at Eiri to make sure he wasn't disturbed by the noise. The man slept on. Shuichi reached for his phone and read the message from K.

"Urgent meeting, Tohma downstairs in five," he read quietly.

A quick glance at the time on his phone had him frowning. It was seven o'clock in the morning. He put the phone on the bedside table and leaned over Yuki to press a soft kiss on the gold hair. He breathed in Yuki's scent and sighed in contentment.

He slipped out of bed and grabbed up the jeans he'd discarded last night from the floor. Once they were on, he walked out of the bedroom to find his white t-shirt draped over an arm chair in the living area. He picked it up and slipped it on. He was out of Yuki's room in seconds. His bare feet were silent as he went down the stairs suppressing a yawn. He finger combed his hair.

K was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Why so early?" Shuichi asked yawning.

"Tohma has some news. You better get some coffee." K led the way to the kitchen. "Is Yuki-san asleep?"

"Yeah," Shuichi yawned again and sighed. "Did Ryuichi get back?"

"He's asleep too. He's part of the reason why Tohma is coming."

"Did something happen in the city?" Shuichi frowned as he poured coffee into a mug and added two heaping spoons of sugar. K sat down at the kitchen table and made a noncommittal noise.

"He asked the boss for a favor. I'm sure you'll be excited but it's going to mean some sacrifices."

Shuichi sipped his coffee, his eyes narrowed on K as he thought about Ryuichi. Ever since the half confession in the studio things were strained between them. He loved Ryuichi like a brother. He knew that, but seeing him so vulnerable, talking about being with him-, he sighed. "Do I have to do it? Whatever this is Tohma wants me to do?"

"I think you love Bad Luck too much not to." K supplied with a shrug. "You're getting ready to set yourselves apart from Nittle Grasper. This should help you do that."

"What if it affects me and Y-Eiri," he asked quietly. "We're in a good place right now. I don't want to spoil that."

"You won't," K said. "If he trusts you, there shouldn't be a problem."

"Trust," Shuichi murmured with a shudder. What a fragile thing that could be. He didn't get time to over think K's statement. Tohma strolled into the kitchen as though he owned it. Shuichi put his coffee down and afforded him the customary bow in greeting.

"Good morning, Mr. Shindou." Tohma sat down beside K at the kitchen table. "You look well, better than the last time we saw each other."

"I'm fine," Shuichi replied. "We're almost done writing the album. I'm working on the lyrics to the final song."

"That is a pleasant surprise." Tohma praised with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "That means recording should take less time and we can start preparing for the launch. I have good news for Bad Luck. Please, have a seat."

Shuichi glanced at K before he sat across Tohma, his heart pounding with anxiety. Tohma leaned on the table, his eyes bright with excitement. He didn't like it when Tohma was excited.

"Ryuichi wants to have a competition with Bad Luck. You're going to use three songs from your new album and Ryuichi is going to write three for Nittle Grasper. You have six weeks to launch your new album. So, in two weeks time, we're going to release your three songs and Nittle Grasper's as well. We will use the bill boards to choose the winner. Winner will be the band that gets the most number one songs among the three."

Shuichi stared at Tohma in shock. He loved performing with Ryuichi, but competing against him-, he sucked in air-, Bad Luck on the same scale with Nittle Grasper. Him against Ryuichi, he swallowed hard. "What happens when we win?"

"A spread with rolling stone magazine, and a larger market share in Asia." Tohma smiled. "I'll make it happen."

Fame beyond Japan, Shuichi breathed out his excitement. It would be strange to start jumping up and down in front of the boss. He breathed in calming air. "We're in."

"Once the songs are out, competition begins Shuichi. That means tours and appearances, intensive advertising, are you sure you're ready?" Tohma asked quietly.

Shuichi had no doubt the man was pointing out that he would be pulled away from Yuki again. "Yes, I'm ready." He nodded vehemently. He wasn't going to let his relationship with Yuki affect his music. Not ever again.

"Alright, I can't stay." Tohma stood up and adjusted his coat. "I'm on my way to Kyoto. Be ready, Shuichi. Nittle Grasper will not lose this challenge."

Tohma's gaze settled on him and he shuddered. "I understand," he said.

"Good." Tohma gave K a quick nod and left as fast as he'd walked in.

Shuichi gaped at K, pressing a hand to his mouth, he blinked. "Why didn't you warn me?"

"Why spoil the surprise? Besides, the boss delivers it better than I ever will. You love Bad Luck; this is your chance, Shuichi." K advised with a smile. "I hope you're good for it."

"I am." Shuichi smiled widely.

"In that case, we're heading back to the city the moment you finish that last song. Have you made any progress on the lyrics?"

Yuki chose that moment to walk in. He looked rested, Shuichi noted. "If you're asking about the one line I just read, we'll be in this estate for a while."

Shuichi frowned at him for that comment. Yuki smiled and quoted. "Your love is like an illegal drug. I'm addicted."

"Hey stop pissing on my lyrics." Shuichi countered his cheeks flaming with embarrassment. "I was just thinking."

"I'm better than an illegal drug." Yuki boasted stopping by the coffee maker. He poured some into a mug and continued. "You can't quit me."

"Drug lords should bottle you then." Shuichi glared at him. "You'd make them millions of money."

"Haven't you already cashed in on that?" Yuki glanced at him over his shoulder. "I mean all those lyrics you've written from our relationship."

"Do you hate it?" Shuichi demanded, getting pissed off by Yuki's attitude. "I can stop you know."

"I don't think you can." Yuki turned sipping at his coffee as he did so. "You can't write without me."

"We'll have to see about that." Shuichi stood up and went to pick his coffee mug from the counter. "I'll write about something else and make it number one."

Yuki grabbed his arm and swept down to capture his lips in a hot kiss. K whistled and Shuichi pulled back momentarily dazed. Yuki chuckled. "We'll just have to test that theory. I don't think it's possible."

Shuichi glared at him before he turned and walked out of the kitchen. He could write without Yuki, he decided. He was going to write a song that had nothing to do with Yuki fucking Eiri.

* * *

"You keep pushing and he'll break again." K warned Yuki when they were alone in the kitchen. "We both know how important music is to Shuichi. Stop messing around with it."

"He needs inspiration." Yuki shrugged and walked to the refrigerator. "I know how he feels about Ryuichi Sakuma. He's been fighting it but I know it's there. He needs to face it."

"Now you're acting like an idiot. If you think he won't give into a determined Ryuichi, you deserve him cheating on you." K scoffed. "Ryuichi helped him cope when you pushed him away. Ryuichi has been there every step of the way, helping Shuichi deal with your messed up relationship. You're playing a dangerous game, Yuki."

Yuki removed eggs from the fridge and put them on the counter. "I have something to tell Shuichi. Before I tell it to him, I need Shuichi to be sure that I'm the one he wants."

"He stuck by you when you were treating him like crap for months. He wants you and you know it." K shook his head in disbelief. "You've been living together for two years."

"Living together and being right for each other, those are two different things." Yuki grabbed an apron and tied it around his waist to protect his khaki pants. "Ryuichi and Shuichi need to sort out their feelings before Shuichi and I can sort ours out."

"What are you up to now?" K sighed. "Don't make me call Mika, Yuki-san. You're causing trouble again."

"I'm helping you." Yuki supplied. "Don't worry. It will all turn into fodder for Shuichi's music. K you should appreciate that I'm trying to do something for Shuichi."

K sat back in his seat and sighed in defeat.

* * *

"I don't need him." Shuichi paced the studio his fingers in his hair. It was almost seven o'clock at night and he hadn't written one thing. Not a single thing, he stared at the notebooks on the table. "Damn that Yuki."

"What did he do now?" Ryuichi asked making him look up to find the rock star leaning on the door jamb. "You look upset."

Shuichi dropped his hands from his messed up hair and sighed. "Is it true that I can't write lyrics without talking about my relationship?"

Ryuichi winced. He looked away and shrugged. "You didn't always write about him. There was a time you didn't have him, Shu-chan."

"I know," Shuichi said quietly. "When we used to stay at NG apartments, before my stalker business, you next door, my music was alright then."

"That's just it, Shu-chan." Ryuichi came into the studio and dropped into the couch. "It was just alright, but now it's gone beyond that."

Shuichi sighed in frustration. He couldn't depend on his emotions for Yuki forever. He paced by the couch racking his brain on ways to get past this. How had he allowed it to happen? When? He sighed. Damn Yuki. What if he left him? What if the man couldn't trust him enough to tell him about his secret? Wouldn't their relationship end then?

Ryuichi grabbed his arm at some point and pulled. Shuichi fell over his chest on the wide couch. His face buried in Ryuichi's neck. He started to get up but Ryuichi wound an arum around his back.

"Please just stay there for a moment."

"Yuki is upstairs," Shuichi protested. He started to get up, but Ryuichi rolled over on the couch. His body pinned Shuichi into the couch. Ryuichi's dark hair falling over them as Ryuichi buried his face against his neck.

"Let me hold you for a moment, Shu-chan, just for a while."

Shuichi sighed in defeat the weight of Ryuichi so welcome he wanted to cry. His hands came up to hold Ryuichi. He couldn't say no to the man. It was just a moment. They used to do it all the time at NG apartments before. He closed his eyes. His right hand coming up to sink fingers into Ryuichi's hair, the anxious energy that had been driving him all day disappeared. Ryuichi's warmth filled him.


End file.
